Chapter 125 - Eric Earhart (3)

"I don't really have anything I need counseling for."

At my easy reply, the head of HR smiled.

"People often say that."

"No, I mean it," I replied, flustered.

But Zhu seemed to let that answer go in one ear and out the other, too. He asked me to spare him a little time—to say goodbye to the Choi siblings, who had come to see me, and then join him in his office.

Ami, who had been listening quietly, waved a hand.

"Well, I've seen you, so I'll get going!"

She casually acknowledged my goodbye and promptly vanished. My tiny senior left as lightly as she had trotted in.

My training officer stayed instead of following Ami.

"I'll take him once you're finished."

"Ah. So you weren't just here to pick him up after all."

Zhu smiled affably, but he didn't offer to let Yun take me first. Instead, he asked brightly,

"This might take a while. You don't mind, do you?"

Was that a vein bulging between my training officer's brows?

Eric was one thing, but I couldn't understand why Yun disliked the head of HR so much. He had consistently disliked Zhu ever since I first met him.

In any case, Yun replied with a frown.

"It's late. Make it quick."

Zhu smiled.

* * *

But I really had nothing to say.

Even sitting alone with the head of HR in his office, I couldn't find anything to talk about. This wasn't something counseling could fix.

But he wouldn't let me go if I told him I had nothing to say. I'd have to bring up something superficial. Saying I couldn't establish a sense of identity because I couldn't remember my past would probably work.

Just as I thought that, Zhu smiled over his burdock tea.

"Normally, we assign Badgers a therapist whenever they ask for one."

"Oh, I see."

"But I don't think you'd be able to open up to a civilian, Hilde."

Smiling, Zhu offered me the refreshments. An assortment of baked treats gave off a sweet aroma. Without declining, I picked up a gorgonzola financier and ate it.

"Thank you for your concern. But I really don't have anything in particular to tell you."

"I'm sure you don't. You think opening up won't change anything."

My eyes widened. His curved gently.

"You seem to think you have neither the time nor the right to suffer."

Had someone told him something?

For a while, I simply sat in my chair, speechless.

Almost everyone had gone home. Yet the head of HR, who supposedly left at four on the dot, was right here in front of me. Immaculately dressed in his suit, he waited for my answer with a silent smile.

His natural talent was why Yehyeon couldn't bring himself to replace him.

"Can't you even allow yourself to open up and cry?"

It was an odd thing for the head of HR to say.

"Pardon?"

"Even if I said I wouldn't let you leave until you'd let your feelings out, you still couldn't?"

Zhu fixed me with a clear gaze. Strangely, it felt as though he could see right through me.

I quietly set down the financier I had been about to put in my mouth.

"That's right."

He wouldn't be fooled even if I lied.

"I couldn't."

"How long have you felt that way?"

"... I'm not sure. I really don't know."

In truth, it had been ever since Yehyeon told me about the sword.

But that was the very thing I didn't want to be honest about. Nor could I be. I also wanted to avoid saying something indirectly, only for it to reach Yehyeon's ears.

As if he had guessed what was going through my mind, Zhu gave a bitter smile.

"Then will you tell me when the time comes?"

"Yes. If the day comes when I'm ready..."

"Make sure you tell me once you've finished everything you intend to do."

My eyes widened again.

Zhu merely smiled, offering no explanation for how he'd figured all this out.

This was starting to get a little frightening.

"I'm telling you not to make a foolish decision after you've done what you set out to do."

But then it wouldn't be atonement.

"Dying can never be atonement," Zhu added, as if reading my mind.

I stayed silent, mulling over his words.

I didn't think they were empty comfort. His point might have some merit. In fact, I would have said the same thing if this were a one-sided situation.

But my case was unusual.

And precisely because it was unusual, the answer came easily.

"Then I'll ask before deciding."

Zhu blinked.

This time, I smiled.

I was sorry I couldn't explain everything, but talking to him had helped me put my thoughts in order.

"At the very end, I'll abide by the decision of those who resent me."

Though they would most likely want me dead.

The head of HR studied me for a long time. He remained silent long enough for his tea to go cold. He didn't ask who resented me, or why I intended to do as they said.

Instead, he eventually looked at my bright smile and sighed. There was a little resignation in that sigh.

"Then when that final moment comes, think of us, too, even if only for a moment," he said, rising from his seat.

"I hope that changes your decision at the last moment."

But, sir, I don't have a choice.

* * *

Yun really had waited for my session to end.

I'd thought he would leave first, or go back to the lab.

My training officer turned to look at me as I left the office, then jerked his chin.

"If you're done, let's go."

"Are we going back to the cabin?"

"No. The lab first."

With that succinct reply, he led me to the enormous research building.

I asked no further questions. By now, I knew perfectly well that I'd get my answers when we arrived. Asking him this and that now wouldn't get me a satisfying answer anyway.

The research building was just as it always was. Seeing me visit for the first time in a while, the scientists cheered.

"Mr. Hilde!"

People whose faces I recognized, or with whom I'd exchanged names, came over to my training officer and me.

"It's been ages! How have you been? Have you said hello to Martin?"

"Martin's probably busy helping another team with an experiment right now."

"Are you taking quests?"

"I don't think he's taken his promotion exam yet."

"But your promotion exam is coming up soon, right?"

"How about taking on some quests once you pass?"

They were always so lively.

But our conversation didn't last long. Yun waved them away, telling them we were busy and to hurry back to their stations.

I'd thought this for a while now: the lab's scientists were remarkably obedient to Yun.

The crowd dispersed as quickly as it had gathered.

Once they scattered, my training officer dragged me deep into the lab.

"Am I allowed in here?"

I asked because he'd swung open an enormous door that looked very much like the entrance to a restricted area.

Yun didn't even look back.

"You're the only one who should come in."

It was bright inside.

I sensed no one in the room. The air felt fresh, perhaps because its composition was being deliberately controlled. I stopped where I stood, listening to the heavy door close behind me.

My training officer went no farther in, either. Instead, he turned to meet my eyes and scrutinized me with an appraising gaze.

"... What is it?"

"I took custody of that head."

A blow.

For an instant, that unexpected blow left me unable to breathe. I forgot how, my face turning blue.

Only after Yun, who had been watching my condition, struck me on the back could I draw in air. I gasped like someone pulled from the water.

"Do you want to see it?"

Yun asked as he watched me steady my breathing, his expression devoid of emotion.

"I'm sorry, but we can't give him a proper burial."

Of course not.

In truth, even asking me this was a kindness. It was better than what I'd braced myself for.

Even so, I had to spend some time forcing down the emotions welling up inside me. My ragged breathing echoed in the cool room, accompanied by the faint hum of an air purifier.

Fortunately, I pulled myself together faster than last time.

"... I'd like to see him. You haven't cut him open yet, have you?"

"No. Yehyeon told me to get your permission."

"Oh. Thank you."

I appreciated the consideration.

"Please... let me see him."

Yun nodded quietly.

We went farther inside, opening another door. A small white space that I presumed was a sterile room greeted us.

Stepping inside, I found someone from my past in a transparent case.

A head, displayed like a pure white plaster bust in a museum.

I slowly approached my comrade's head. Yun watched in silence as I stroked the transparent case.

"Shall I finish telling you about the old days?"

I spoke after gazing down for a long time at my comrade's head, half its face covered in wood.

Without moving, Yun replied,

"I was just about to ask."

I let out a small laugh. Then, without taking my eyes off the carefully preserved head, I reached back into the past.

A world that now came to me in faded colors. My homeland, where blessings and curses, myths and heroic tales had unfolded.

A city of gray.

The memory of crossing that ash-stained city and kneeling before the World Tree.

"People like me and the level ten were called children of the World Tree."

My voice echoed through the pale room.

"It was a name for those freed from the sacred tree's curse by the World Tree's blessing, who then used others as nourishment to display grotesque levels of strength and healing ability. The emperor of what was then the greatest empire gathered such people and brought them under his command. We made a useful fighting force."

I first met Kyle on that empire's training grounds.

He had joined the imperial order of knights four months before I arrived, because his tribe had been brought to its knees by the emperor's mighty army.

It had been a momentous event, news of which had spread to every corner of the world. His tribe was renowned for its exceptional mobility, and so merciless that people said only ash remained in its wake.

But in the end, Kyle's tribe fell before the great empire's military might.

Kyle had said that the moment defeat was certain, he resolved to end his life with his own blade. He had actually raised his bloodied sword to do it, only to change his mind at the words of an imperial general who came to find him.

["Rise through the ranks for your people! So they can hold their heads high within the empire!"]

"This is the general who said that."

I took in the cleanly severed neck.

It looked like a sword had done it. Had it been Kudo?

As I gazed at the ruined face, lost in thought, Yun's voice broke the silence.

"Why is half his face covered in wood?"

"He received power through Kyle. The children of the World Tree can pass the nourishment they've absorbed from other living things on to another being."

It was a technique Kyle had learned only after joining the order of knights.

"If they receive that power for too long, those who haven't received the World Tree's consecration have their bodies covered in aged wood like this, and wither away."

"They die in the end? Then why do it?"

"To strike a blow against the enemy, even at the cost of their own lives."

He was the sort of person who would make that choice.

And... he must have been in circumstances that warranted it.

"He'd been in poor health for a long time."

Because the emperor he served had cut off his arm.

But Yun didn't need to know that. I kept the explanation simple, leaving out the minor details.

He had simply been unwell for a long time. That was probably why he'd made this decision. To fight gloriously one last time and die.

Burning through what life he had left.

"You may encounter people like this more often from now on."

Because Kyle had begun to move.

"... If possible, I'd like to go outside the core often."

I never wanted to go through this again.

I didn't want to see any more of my kin killed at human hands. Keeping my hand on the case, I turned to Yun.

The human who had told me he would kill me himself the moment I betrayed them.

Yun said,

"Then you need to pass your promotion exam."

"Yes. ... Sorry? Oh, yes. That's how this... But yes. Of course I do."

"You've only got a few months left."

Yun walked slowly toward me. Once he reached me, he took me by the shoulder and pulled me away from the case.

"Since that's how things stand, let's start preparing for that exam you want."

No.

It wasn't that I wanted it. It was just a matter of course...

... Anyway.

And so my exam preparations began.