Chapter 143 - The Fortunate One V

"Aaaaaaaaaagh!"

Before Noh Doha had even finished muttering, screams erupted throughout the bunker. My companions pointed at me in horror, like VIP cultists witnessing Cthulhu's descent live and in person.

"Undertaker! It's the Undertaker!"

"The Three Kingdoms anomaly has appeared!"

"D-disgusting...! I hate him so much! Just looking at him makes me want to grab his earlobes and tear them off...!"

My companions screamed endlessly.

For the record, I had stacked water bottles near the bunker entrance in preparation for this moment. As though possessed, they picked up the bottles and hurled them at me.

Amid this heartwarming exchange of water bottles flying every which way, I alone wore a warm smile.

'All according to plan.'

This was only natural.

What effect had the Savior anomaly originally produced? Hadn't it raised people's affection for me to its maximum—no, beyond its very limits?

And the hate potion was an elixir that inscribed a reversal technique upon people's affection for whoever took it.

All that affection the Savior had pushed beyond its limits in the positive direction had now been flipped straight into the negative!

In other words:

'Here and now, my misfortune has descended.'

It bears repeating that I cherished my companions.

To be hated so deeply by such adorable children was a tragedy as devastating as a grandfather hearing his grandchildren say, "Grandpa, your hands stink!"

"Boss! No, Undertaker! Please, just die!"

"I can't believe I called someone like that big brother. I'm ashamed of my past self."

"Sorry, but technically, Hayul, you never called him anything. You can't speak. Even now, you're saying that through a puppet."

"I've always hated that illegally employed security guard!"

"Horrifying."

Just seeing Dang Seorin look at me with such disgust made my heart sting over and over, as though a sewing needle were landing a rapid-fire combo on it.

"Ahh."

Are you watching, Total Fortune System?

This is the footwork of a seasoned regressor. This is how one uses anomalies.

No matter how long you wait as Santa Alter, ready to give me the gift of misfortune, if I harvest an enormous amount of misfortune myself, before you do, in advance, you're nothing more than one unemployed Finn in the post-COVID era.

When a regressor decides to make himself miserable, what could a mere anomaly like you possibly do?

Destroy the world? Hmm. Would that really make me more miserable than a single look of genuine contempt from Dang Seorin?

Cut off my limbs? Well. Even now, the Saintess was alternating between time's "pause" and "play" buttons as she hurled hatchets at my neck.

An incurable disease? Laughable. Cheon Yohwa was pulling hourglass after hourglass containing the ghosts of Hundred Flowers Girls' High School out of her trunk and attempting to unseal... No, actually, that was rather dangerous.

I rushed over and knocked Cheon Yohwa unconscious.

As the distance between us closed in an instant, my former companions convulsed and threw even more violent fits.

"Die! Die! Please, diiiiiie!"

"You bastard who failed to save the world hundreds of times! Incompetent! People all over the world are dying hundreds of times because of you! Sanctions!"

To understand their reactions, imagine a cockroach roughly two meters long approaching you.

At present, I, the Undertaker, was nothing less than a reverse Go Yori in everyone else's eyes.

The exact opposite of a devil who invariably won people's affection, no matter what. In other words, an angel who invariably inspired aversion, no matter what, had descended here.

Throughout heaven and earth, I alone was supreme.

'So this... is the view of the world that pink entity usually looked down upon.'

How laughable. How insignificant.

"Dokseo. Are you watching closely?"

"Yep! Hearing you call me by name disgusts me, Mister, but it's okay! I still recognize that this is an anomaly. But could I break just one of your fingers?"

"That would be difficult. I deliberately avoided making my companions too strong this run, in case this happened."

"That's my Mister! My protagonist! So admirable! So disgusting! Anyway, could you start holding your breath now, Mister? Just breathing the same air as you makes this place feel horrifying."

"Now, now. You mustn't let an anomaly bewitch you. Don't be swept up in your emotions. Witness the truth. You are destined to save the world."

"Fuck. A regressor and a girl possessing a character in a book, master and disciple, shitting side by side. What a bumper crop of bullshit..."

Noh Doha swore while fiddling with a smartphone.

Even as the National Road Management Corps headquarters became more and more of a wreck, Noh Doha alone remained unchanged.

The fact that reversing affection made absolutely no difference to how Noh Doha treated others was proof of true character. Meaning that, anytime and anywhere, other people—especially me—were treated as something like a rat dick's cousin.

"Haa..."

TAP.

Noh Doha set down the phone, then flung away the mountain of documents piled on the table.

The yellowish sheets fluttered through the air. Resources were rather scarce at the end of the world, so even the commander of the National Road Management Corps used recycled paper.

"How much longer are you going to stand around showing off how strong your piss stream is? Let's go..."

"What? Go? Where?"

"Fuck if I know. The Saintess just posted a quest in a group chat for the awakened. The Undertaker has fallen and is indiscriminately slaughtering humans, so all awakened must unite to eliminate him. You're the only one who didn't get the KakaoTalk message, you ostracized bastard..."

"Oh."

"A whole flood of notices just went up on SG Net, too. [Nameless Constellation of Unknown Name], [Librarian of the Great Library], [Operator of All Things at Play], [Morning Star of the Second Coming], [Collector of All Anomalies], and so on... Heh. Everyone's united in murderous intent. They're about to form a nationwide coalition army just to fuck you up..."

Now that Noh Doha mentioned it, Seo Gyu and Sim Aryeon were frantically tapping away at their smartphones at the very rear of the crowd.

The Saintess seemed to have called for reinforcements the moment she realized physical attacks wouldn't work on me. With her eyes closed and her hands clasped, she was in precisely the posture she used to concentrate on [Telepathy].

"This world is so fucking shitty I don't want to work anymore. So let's hurry up and go..."

"Uh."

"I'm quitting, you motherfucker."

I wore the expression of Liu Bei hearing Zhuge Liang announce that he was tired of working and intended to retire to farming. This country would collapse without you, though?

"Why should I give a damn? Let it fucking collapse... Hey, Chief Yu Jiwon."

"Oh. Yes?"

"You're the next commander of the National Road Management Corps."

What?

"I'm not doing a handover, so figure it out yourself. If you're in trouble because you don't know a fucking thing, open safe number 36 and consult the notebook. Unless you're an exceptional dumbass, you'll manage well enough. And wherever I disappear to, don't come looking for me..."

"Ahh! Thank you, Your Excellency!"

Impossible.

I was appalled. Yu Jiwon had finally been promoted to commander of the National Road Management Corps!

If the protagonist of this story had been Yu Jiwon rather than me, the Undertaker, it would have been a biographical success story: starting as a convenience-store part-timer, joining the Korean Peninsula's greatest guild, steadily climbing from ordinary employee to manager to chief, finally being recruited by the government as an expert, and taking office as president after a full 590 runs.

Was this for real? It was.

While I shuddered at this psychopath's success story, Noh Doha was stuffing things into a suitcase.

Aside from a few articles of clothing, there actually wasn't much to pack.

Noh Doha was always prepared to make a "Decision to Leave" the job, keeping personal tools and everyday necessities ready in the suitcase.

The difference from office workers who constantly entertained similar resolutions was that Noh Doha had actually handed in a resignation.

Gripping the suitcase handle, Noh Doha gave me a look of pitying contempt.

"What are you doing...? I said let's go."

"Hmm."

"Your eyes are asking 'Where?'... Well. We'll have to leave the Korean Peninsula first. We need to get outside the Saintess's [Clairvoyance] reconnaissance coverage before we can shake off our pursuers..."

I couldn't answer immediately.

This was rather unexpected.

In truth, I'd assumed even Noh Doha would fall under the hate potion's influence and curse me.

But Noh Doha was perfectly fine. Almost excessively so.

'Was the affection for me so low that reversing it doesn't make any difference?'

Or was I unable to notice the difference because the abuse and insults were already so routine?

Neither explanation was certain.

This 590th run was, after all, my first time taking a hate potion.

My basic approach to anomalies was to discover strategies through repeated regressions. The hate potion required further study.

For that research, Noh Doha, who seemed to be an exception to the hate potion's effects, was a rather valuable sample.

"Aren't you coming? Suit yourself. I'm going to hole up on some remote island..."

"No, wait. Let's go together. Hawaii is too far. How about somewhere like Saipan or Guam?"

"Saipan? Hmm..."

"Yes. If anything seems to be happening on the Korean Peninsula, I can cross the sea alone, check on it, and come back."

"A resort destination... Everywhere in the world is probably equally fucked, but at least we can get into the spirit of it. Well, fine..."

"Dokseo. Are you coming too?"

Oh Dokseo beamed.

"No! Drown and die, Mister! Oh, but I do want to see the protagonist die, so I'd appreciate it if you could do it right in front of me!"

Indeed, I was miserable.

8

A presidential resignation and a trip to Saipan were decided on the spot.

Had Noh Doha been American, Air Force One would have flown in and courteously transported the former president who had just announced a resignation. Unfortunately, the USA had collapsed before accepting Korea as its fifty-first state.

In the end, we had to make our own way to Saipan Island.

Since this was a resignation ceremony for the ages, the procession of reporters attempting to pursue us was correspondingly grand.

"It's the Undertaker! He's escaping!"

"Comrade General Secretary's ideological betrayal leaves us trembling with rage! Punishing traitors is the means by which we preserve ideological purity...! With tears in our eyes, we've brought out the guillotine!"

"Wait! Cease fire! He's holding the commander of the National Road Management Corps hostage!"

"What?"

"Th-that, that vicious terrorist bastard! Release the commander!"

It wasn't an easy escape for me, either.

First, the Sword Marquis blocked my path. True to the martial artist who had lasted 101 exchanges against me in the first year, he now dragged the battle out for over 200 exchanges.

"Undertaker! Why have you strayed from the righteous path and fallen into demonic heresy? Nothing rends the heart like watching a former friend become corrupted by the demonic path!"

"Well, factually speaking, the phenomenon closest to demonic heresy in this run is you..."

The other awakened didn't spend the time the Sword Marquis bought them fooling around. Instead, they actively raised hell.

"Ah—ah—aaah—"

First, Dang Seorin began to sing. This was the biggest problem, so I fled before her fifth melody emerged.

"Did you miss me, Senior?"

And Cheon Yohwa (Thousand Songs and Tales) finally released Cheon Yohwa (Heavenly Desolation). Gapless, possessing Cheon Yohwa's body, spread its unique barrier around Busan.

Oh, for the record, the way to distinguish the two was by how they addressed me. Yohwa called me "Teacher," while Gapless called me "Senior."

[Die.]

Then Hayul's puppet strings tightened around me from every direction, aiming for my neck.

The Korean Peninsula, and Busan in particular, was densely covered in Lee Hayul's webs. In preparation for invading anomalies, she protected all of Busan, by both land and sea.

If they could prevent invasion from outside, they could also prevent escape from within.

On top of that, the Saintess's [Clairvoyance] and [Telepathy] constantly supported the awakened.

"Woooow."

I'd built up the Korean Peninsula's fighting forces myself, but honestly, I was impressed.

Had Sim Aryeon been there after leveling up into the Saintess of the North through Zero Requiem, I might have died. I was truly fortunate that the aliens had built the Great Wall in this run.

Against the Sword Marquis's sword strikes, Dang Seorin's song, Cheon Yohwa's unique barrier, Lee Hayul's seventeen-part slicing web, and the Saintess's support, even I had trouble escaping unscathed.

In the end, I surrendered my left foot and fled. I, the Undertaker, now had the fifty-percent Hayul version of a lower body.

I didn't particularly mind. Not only was the world's greatest assistive-device technician accompanying me, I'd also calculated that even this minor "misfortune" would help me.

"You actually broke through all that...? You really are a lunatic..."

Noh Doha muttered incredulously from my back.

Despite all that chaos, there wasn't a single scratch on Noh Doha's body.

"If we'd had a little more breathing room, I would have used the Immigration Bureau anomaly, but it can't be helped. I'll keep crossing the sea all the way to Saipan."

"Water keeps splashing on me as it is. Couldn't you avoid the waves a little more...?"

"Those waves were only just born, while I'm well over ten thousand years old. The young whippersnappers should avoid me."

"Haa..."

Breakthrough successful.

For a while, the vast open sea stretched before us.

I boarded the Savoia S-21 flying boat I'd stationed in advance on Tsushima. It was the light aircraft I'd also used when tackling Cheon Yohwa and Gapless.

Not long after boarding the flying boat, we landed on Saipan, once renowned as a vacation destination.

OO-KEE-KEEK.

Somewhere, mingled with the sound of the waves, I thought I heard a monkey laughing.