Chapter 56 - A Cunning Trick

The moment Dong Bongsu etched those three syllables into his mind, he became Kang Dalhui.

DRIP, DRIP. DRIP.

He had only just shaken the blood off, but it was already beading on his sword again. Blood ran down his face and along his arm, gathered at the sword tip, and fell to the floor.

Dong Bongsu caught a glimpse of his reflection in the blood pooling below. The sword wounds had made his original face utterly unrecognizable.

"Not bad."

Murmuring those words, he left the cabin.

TAP-TAP. TAP.

Whether they had happened to arrive at that moment or Dong Bongsu had watched the approaching Yangtze Current Ships and timed his emergence precisely to their boarding was impossible to say, but the pirates' skiffs finally reached his boat.

"Hey, you. Are you all right?"

Those were the first words one of them said to Dong Bongsu. That was how thoroughly drenched in blood he was, how completely his face had been ruined.

Dong Bongsu raised a hand and wiped away the blood running down his face again. It only smeared farther, leaving him looking even worse.

He wiped the blood from his eyes once more and quickly surveyed the deck. An unusual number of the corpses were naked, but no one was paying them any attention. The real Kang Dalhui would be among them, but no one would know he was dead.

"Aaaaargh!"

BOOM, BOOM-BOOM!

CLANG, CLANG-CLANG!

All around them, the final screams of "Chu" still rang out without end.

Kang Dalhui—no, Dong Bongsu—slowly wiped his bloody sword on his clothes. Meeting the eyes of the pirate still watching him, he said,

"I'm fine."

And so Dong Bongsu had survived once again.

Even words of wisdom turn into delusional, cringe-worthy bullshit when someone like you says them.

My ultra-super-awesome Staff of Justice had completely crushed his head.

"Now you won't be doing anything bad ever again, will you?"

Once again, I had cleansed the world by dirtying my hands. The redder my hands became, the cleaner the world would be!!

'Oh! I haven't done that yet. You're no hero if you skip that part, right? Am I right?'

I grabbed the stiff, upturned collar of his school uniform. Then I performed the final ritual.

"I have punished you in the name of justice. So don't resent me, even in hell. Hmm... Now I owe King Yama an even bigger apology. I've sent him another piece of trash like you and made filthy hell even filthier, after all. Heh heh heh."

God, that was cool. Fuck yeah.

Sure, it was a parody of a line from the comic Justice Man, but I added the last part myself. So half the copyright belongs to me. Besides, it suits a real-life hero like me much better than a gloomy bastard like Justice Man. Am I right?

I gave a low, righteous chuckle, then used a knife to carve a Korean J on one cheek of that future villain and an English J on the other before leaving the scene.

This was fun. Refreshing. I felt fucking fantastic.

It felt like I'd accomplished everything. This was exactly what made being a hero worthwhile. Am I right?

The satisfaction of having disposed of a piece of the world's trash who didn't even deserve to breathe put an extra spring in my step.

La-di-da~~

That evening.

My august self was watching the news while eating the tasteless crap Mom had made for dinner. Sure enough, my glorious achievement was getting a splendid mention on the news.

"For the sixth consecutive month, consumer prices..."

Skip the anchor's same old moronic commentary. What I was watching was the white lettering at the bottom of the screen.

[9 a.m. today, Jungnang District... Eighth-grade boy surnamed Lee found dead under suspicious circumstances.]

I gave a pleased little shrug at the report.

"Justice always prevails. Heh heh heh."

"Oh, cut the fucking bullshit. Justice, my ass. Oh, dear spirits, ladies and gentlemen, please take this idiot away and knock some sense into him."

"Ow, why are you hitting me? Who do you think you are, hitting my head, Mom? Huh?"

THWACK.

Mom's fist came crashing down toward my head like a missile again. But lightning-fast as it was, I could see it perfectly well. I simply chose not to dodge.

These everyday little squabbles with Mom, letting a fist hit me when I could easily dodge it—all of it was a kind of camouflage. Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, Iron Man... Hmm, Iron Man doesn't really fit. Scratch him, then. Anyway, those fuckers were all masters of disguise and concealment. Though Hentai Kamen was the best of the bunch, of course. Am I right?

Damn, I was jealous.

The sudden thought of Hentai Kamen cleansing the world with women's panties pulled over his head made my crotch start to ache.

'Ah, every hero story gives the hero some drop-dead gorgeous heroine! What the hell do I get? Damn it. All I've got beside me is my demon of a mother.'

A sudden sense of injustice washed over me. Just then, Mom, who had been watching my face, threw another punch at my head.

"Listen, you little shit. Tomorrow, go work a construction job or something and bring home enough to buy at least a grain of rice. You're over thirty, for fuck's sake. Stop loafing around the house all day eating us out of house and home. Come home empty-handed tomorrow, and I swear I'll kill you and then myself. You hear me? Understand?"

Once again, I let Mom's fist land without dodging. Urgh! Her punches really were stronger than any villain's. Even if this was all to fool my family, taking any more would probably put my life in danger.

I immediately stopped the trivial business of eating and stood up to return to my secret base of justice.

'Justice lives on in this world as long as I live. Peace.'

"Finish your fucking dinner before you go jerk off, you little shit."

To predict a hero's next move so easily.

My mom truly was a hero's mother...

After enduring Mom's nagging and finishing dinner, I returned triumphantly to my secret base and set the two green ten-thousand-won bills and the fifty-thousand-won bill featuring Lady Saimdang I'd obtained by punishing evil beside my computer. This should cover my operating expenses for three or four days. Now even Mom wouldn't be able to obstruct my heroic endeavors for a while.

"Seriously, villainous little shits these days carry a fuckton of cash. They must've extorted it all from other kids. Fucking bastards. They all need to die."

I was furious. Such a vast sum, far more than any normal middle schooler could possibly possess, was inescapable evidence of evil deeds.

'S-so cool! Fuck!'

The glimpse of my reflection in the computer screen looked incredible. I flashed the computer a handsome, satisfied smile and pressed the power button.

This Pentium 4 supercomputer was like my sidekick, telling me where the villains were. You might call it the wonderful machine that always guided me to their halls~

"Now, which trash-infested habitat should I pick from today?"

Trash normally went through life wearing masks. But online, they showed their true colors without a filter. My main job was to ferret out that trash and eliminate it. It was a huge pain and difficult work, but all the more satisfying for it. And if a hero like me didn't do it, who would?

Those congressional curs? The pigs? The lapdog prosecutors?

Not a chance. Those bastards were all the hidden powers behind evil. Just look at movies, TV dramas, comics, and novels. Their true nature was laid bare in every one of them. I couldn't spare the time to punish them yet, but one day I would bring the hammer of justice down on them!

After briefly striking a stylish pose with my fist clenched, I began my villain search in earnest.

Weekly Best, Humor of the Month, Funny Middle School...

I skimmed posts on the sites where trash tended to run rampant. Oh, of course, not everyone on those sites was trash. Only a tiny minority were, and I had the ability to single them out.

Sometimes I saw text in bright red. That was the mark of a villain. I hadn't realized it at first, either, but all the posts that appeared red had one thing in common: they were full of profanity and abbreviated internet slang. After tracking down their authors, I had been able to conclude that every one of them was a villain.

I had awakened this ability three months ago. One night, after coming home drunk, I switched on my computer to check the comments as usual, and it awakened.

From that day on, I became a hero.

I had disposed of a dozen or so villains over those three months, and strangely, every one of them had been a middle schooler. My ability probably let me weed out future big-time villains in advance.

That made it even better. Didn't that make the work all the more important and difficult? Kids these days were even scarier. Who could stand up to them when they ganged up on you? They were invincible. Who but me could possibly take them on? Am I right?

And so, today, I found another villain.

As always, the comment he'd left appeared red to my eyes.

[Hey, you little shtstain. Got nothing to do after stuffing your face again today, so you're reflecting on your life with your dck in your hand? Lmaooooo]

That sealed his fate.

Justice Man, move out! Peace!

I grabbed his IP address and tracked his username. This was no ordinary challenge. No one could pull it off unless they were a super-ultra, top-tier Magnus genius like me.

After days and days of painstaking work, I finally found his school and home. Then I watched him for several more days. Even after detecting the signal, I had to thoroughly verify whether he really had the makings of a villain worth killing.

At last, I decided to kill him. He truly deserved to die. I'd watched him for days, and not a single classmate spoke to him. Imagine how terrified of him they must have been! Am I right?

He even traveled to and from home alone. He was a truly meticulous bastard. He only showed his true colors once he got home or started fiddling with his phone. Whenever he did, posts in red text invariably appeared on Weekly Best.

'I can't stand by and let his evil deeds continue.'

I decided to transform into Justice Man that very day. The operation would take place when he was coming home from cram school.

Ten p.m.