Chapter 134 - ■■ (2)

“Mas...”

I could not finish saying “Master.”

My heart pounded.

Countless emotions mingled in that fleeting instant. It felt as though my heart had become a filthy rag; if I wrung it tight, pitch-black emotions would spill out. Master. My miraculous encounter. The peony who had become my teacher.

“Mother.”

“...”

Master looked at me. Her always composed eyes wavered. For the first time, I had called her Mother, and for the first time, she had heard me call her that.

“... How strange.”

Master set down her pencil stub. Had she been writing? Manuscript paper covered in her handwriting lay scattered across the living-room table.

“I cannot remember how long it has been since you called me that.”

Sentences that had failed to become writing. Words that had failed to become sentences. Scraps of short-short stories that had never become a complete work, scattered sheets of red-ruled manuscript paper.

“It feels as though it has been an eternity since I heard you call me Mother. No, even ‘an eternity’ is a false way to put it... It is as though...”

“I love you, Mother.”

Master’s fingertips stopped.

“I wanted to see you again. Did you know? I have found someone I will love all my life. It really was possible to love someone sincerely, and to be loved completely in return. I wanted to take Raviel’s hand... and introduce her to you before anyone else.”

“...”

“I know you would have become good friends with Raviel. I... I am alive and well. I am living well. I am trying to live well. There are so many days when I think about the things you told me.”

Master.

“I wanted to see you just once more.”

Master slowly rose and came toward me. Her long, thin fingers wiped the corners of my eyes.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“I am having a nightmare.”

“Life is no different from a dream. Yet that changes nothing. Does malice become good merely because you rename it detachment? Will a wound heal because you excuse wrongdoing as ignorance? My son. Do not be deceived by words. Always look into your heart. Do not entrust your heart to hollow words and flimsy sentences.”

Master put her arms around my shoulders.

“Whether you call me Mother or not, I remain myself within your heart. The same is true of you. People are not human merely because they can recite a handful of words and spill out a few lines of sentences. We become human only to the extent of the weight of others we hold within our hearts.”

I was small enough to fit entirely in Master’s embrace.

My mouth opened and closed several times.

“You could never have raised your child... raised Yoo Suha to be like that.”

“Yes.”

“He lashes out with his fists just because he is angry. Someone like that... You would never invite someone like that to your dinner table. You would have thrown him out. Before throwing him out, you would have corrected him. Before ever needing to correct him, you would have raised him to be a good child.”

“I see.”

“So.”

I opened my mouth.

“Mother... you are not So Baekhyang.”

Master smiled.

“Survive, Gongja. You must live strong.”

Still smiling, she crumbled.

“...”

Master’s face slid away.

Her smile melted.

The hands that had embraced my shoulders vanished.

Where she had disappeared, only a shadow remained.

-■, ■■■ ■■■.

The shadow had no face. Its outline was indistinct. Wriggling like an enormous earthworm, it moved away into the living room.

Another layer peeled away from the world.

That was the bare face of [my mother].

“... Urgh.”

I ran to the bathroom and bent over the toilet, head lowered. Loss. Guilt. Pitch-black emotions surged back up.

My heart vomited.

“Huh?”

Behind me.

A voice came from the bathroom doorway.

“Hey, did you eat something bad? Why are you puking as soon as you get home? You little shit, you must’ve picked up some crappy food outside again. Didn’t your big brother tell you to at least make sure you eat properly?”

It was Yoo Suha.

“Want your big brother to pat your back?”

“... Yoo Suha.”

“Well, well. Did you puke out your brains along with your food? That’s no way to address your big brother.”

I sank onto the bathroom tiles and looked up at him. Yoo Suha stood there, chewing on a squid tentacle.

“You son of a bitch...”

“You didn’t just puke out your brains. You poured them all out. Hey, people hit other people sometimes! I was scared too when the news broke yesterday. Mom and Dad chewed me the fuck out. But we’re family. You ought to support me. Huh? Shouldn’t you?”

“You crazy bastard...”

Clutching the toilet, I muttered,

“You’re a fucking son of a bitch.”

“Huh?”

“If hitting a stalker were all you did, you’d be an angel. You’re the bastard who’d bash a stalker over the back of the head, bury them in the hills, then set the whole mountain on fire.”

“What... That’s a psycho. Is that how you see your big brother?”

“You are that psychopath! You son of a bitch!”

My head spun.

“An idol? A singer? You think you could do those jobs? You don’t know the first fucking thing about fan service. Every interview you give comes with a helping of foul language, with insults about people’s parents for dessert. How the hell could you be an idol or a singer? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Uh...”

“And you got scolded by Mom and Dad? Honestly, are you the kind of guy who takes a scolding? They’d be lucky if you didn’t slap them in the face. Damn it! Fuck... Yoo Suha, you would never pat your little brother’s back because he was throwing up. If you’d been even that much. If you’d at least been that kind of person.”

I glared at Yoo Suha’s face.

“I wouldn’t have killed you.”

“...”

“I wouldn’t have killed you, you son of a bitch. I wouldn’t have. If you’d been even that much... To kill you, I...”

To avoid killing you, I...

“The things, the truly fucked-up things I did, really, you...”

Sometimes, I dream.

[“H-hey, hunter! Please save me!”]

I shout.

[“Huh?”]

Yoo Suha turns to look at me.

[“Wolves attacked me.”]

[“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Did you mess with the monsters around here, mister? Today’s hunt is ruined. Ruined.”]

Yoo Suha clicks his tongue.

[“A p-potion, please.”]

I say that, and then—

[“Be more careful next time. Fuck. I won’t even make a day’s pay at this rate.”]

Yoo Suha gives me a potion.

Sometimes, I dream.

[“I’ll give you a potion, but you have to pay for your life.”]

Yoo Suha says that.

[“F-forty gold...”]

I say, but—

[“Forget that. Hand over everything you have.”]

Yoo Suha says that, so I hand over everything I have.

[“Good. Be more careful next time, mister.”]

Yoo Suha gives me a potion.

In those dreams, the Yoo Suha of eleven years ago is still that kind of guy. A bastard bloated with greed, but one who does not kill an injured, helpless person. Dreams in which I do not have to kill my former hero with my own hands. Only sometimes, but I...

I...

“You son of a bitch...”

Yoo Suha’s black hair swayed.

“Get lost. Your place is in my shadow. If you’re thinking of setting up a new address in this hell and whitewashing your character, forget it.”

Then his black hair collapsed.

-■■, ■■ ■■■.

[My biological older brother] became a wraith and let out a gloomy murmur.

Yes, a wraith.

Spirits that could not even become ghosts, that had lost their very existence in this world of trauma. Stripped of the appearances extracted from my memories, they were now nothing more than shadows.

“...”

I washed my face at the sink.

Tap water dripped from my eyebrows.

“Okay.”

My muttering settled quietly into the house of wraiths.

“It’s okay. I can do this. Kim Gongja, you can do this.”

This was not my home. This was not my world.

It was merely the hell imprisoning the life I wished to take.

I left the house and returned with the Heaven-Slaying Star.

“Ah...”

The Heaven-Slaying Star did not recognize the wraiths as wraiths. To his eyes, they seemed to look like my father, my mother, and my biological older brother.

No, perhaps it was the exact opposite.

-■■■?

-■■ ■■■.

Perhaps my father, mother, and brother had looked like wraiths to him from the beginning. Perhaps the humans in this world were no different from wraiths to him. That would make all the sounds they uttered nothing more than noise.

“Hel...”

“Don’t greet them.”

I spoke firmly.

“There’s no need to be polite.”

I took the Heaven-Slaying Star by the wrist and went into the bedroom. Unable to finish his greeting, he followed where I led him.

-■, ■■■ ■■■.

The older brother who had worn Yoo Suha’s face until moments ago followed us. He tried to come into the room with us, but I shoved him away and kept him from entering.

“Don’t come in. I’m warning you.”

-■■■?

“I’m going to look after this child for a while. I’ll handle everything, so no one else needs to interfere. Don’t come in or speak to him without his permission. I’ve made myself clear.”

I shut and locked the door.

-■■. ■■■?

The wraiths muttered outside the bedroom. I ignored them and prepared a place for the Heaven-Slaying Star to sleep. Still wearing the backpack he had carried home from school, he stared at me.

“Is it okay to talk to your family that way?”

“That depends on the family. To you, they’re your abuser’s family.”

“... Stop talking so politely. It’s weird. It makes me uncomfortable. I really can’t imagine how big a stunt you’re planning to pull later, if you’re laying this much groundwork.”

“You can think that if you want. For now, get some sleep.”

“Where will you sleep?”

“Anywhere. Rest. You’ll feel at least a little better once you’ve rested.”

“...”

From that day on,

I erased the inhabitants of this world, one by one.

“Who is this? What? Suha’s little brother...? Why are you calling me...?”

I secretly used my older brother’s phone to speak with Hungry Ghost.

“Hm? Oh. Suha told me about you. Haven’t we met once before? What’s up? Don’t tell me Suha sent his little brother to apologize for him?”

I called Golden Silk Blossom the same way.

One phone call each was all it took to make Hungry Ghost and Golden Silk Blossom crumble.

The idol group they had belonged to occasionally appeared on television, but the two of their faces were no longer shown. Only shadows flickered, as though someone had scribbled over them in black.

[The trauma’s recreation fidelity is decreasing.]

Only then did a response come.

[The data required to recreate the trauma has been damaged.]

[Extracting the damaged data from your memories... Failed.]

[Unable to restore the data.]

The gaps I had created were beginning to punch holes in the world.

[Extracting the damaged data from the original owner’s memories... Failed.]

[Unable to restore the data.]

I picked up the pace.

The Four Demon Lords crumbled. The children who had played in the Infernal Mansion crumbled. Every figure from the trauma who caught my eye, I turned into a wraith.

Each time, the world of trauma collapsed a little further.

“Hmm? How unusual. You’ve actually come to the faculty room, Gongja.”

Viper, the homeroom teacher, too.

“G-Gongja? Why did you call me into an empty classroom alone? Eek. Teachers and students aren’t allowed to date, in principle. We c-can’t break school rules...!”

Apothecary, the math teacher, too.

“I heard you requested a meeting. You are an unusual student in many respects, so I arranged this at the student council president’s request. What do you wish to tell me?”

Sword Saint, the principal, too.

One by one.

[The trauma’s recreation fidelity is decreasing.]

[Unable to restore the data.]

By the time fifteen days had passed,

most of the school’s students and teachers had already become wraiths.

The school was not the only place that had turned strange.

-■■ ■■■■■.

Whatever television channel I turned on, a wraith occupied the announcer’s seat. The guests on the programs merely muttered a shadow’s silence through shadow faces, so I could understand nothing.

Once, I tried taking a train out of the city as a test.

The cityscape continued for a while, but at some point pitch-black darkness spread beyond the windows. When it reached that dark area, the train disappeared.

[The trauma’s recreation fidelity is decreasing.]

[Requesting data from Zrakua... Failed. Request denied.]

[Unable to restore the data.]

A broken world.

A failed monstrosity.

“... Gongja, there is something I want to discuss.”

One day, Paladin approached me after class.

Something about her expression was tense.

“What is it?”

“I can’t talk about it in the classroom. No, it would be more accurate to say I don’t want to.”

Paladin turned and glanced behind her.

-■■■! ■■ ■■■■.

Someone who had already become a wraith sat at a desk there. It was Count. She had spoken with me two days earlier and crumbled into a shadow. After glancing at her friend in that state, Paladin lowered her voice.

“Let’s go into the hallway.”

We left the classroom for the hall.

“So, what is it?”

“... This might sound strange. No, it is strange. But for some reason, I felt I ought to discuss it with you.”

In the middle of the hallway, where wraiths passed to and fro,

Paladin looked around in extreme agitation.

“Something is wrong.”

“...”

“If you ask me what is wrong, I cannot give you a precise answer. But I’m certain. This isn’t normal. Last weekend, I went on an outing outside the city with my family. We tried to go. I prepared our lunches that morning. But when I blinked, it was evening.”

Paladin’s shoulders trembled slightly.

“At first, I suspected amnesia. But my family sat at the dinner table talking about how wonderful the outing had been. I remember nothing. I can’t even remember what we did on the outing...”

Paladin raised her head and looked around again. Indeed, apart from a handful of students, there was nothing in the classrooms, hallways, or school grounds but black, wavering wraiths.

“... Something is strange. Something is wrong. Perhaps I’m the one who has gone strange. I’m sorry, Kim Gongja. I’ll simply make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Perhaps counseling will help.”

“The very back of the classroom.”

I spoke.

“The student who sits by the window. Do you remember him?”

“Hmm...?”

Paladin knitted her brows.

“Of course. He’s our classmate. I believe his name was ■■.”

“Do you know that he received messages like these?”

I took out the Heaven-Slaying Star’s phone and showed her.

“...”

“Let me say up front that I haven’t fabricated these.”

As Paladin read the messages, her face grew pale. She was shocked. But the shock lasted only a moment before she burst out in anger.

“What? How could anyone... No, that child would never send messages like this. This is absurd! This is absolutely not something we can dismiss as a joke!”

“Are you angry?”

“Of course! There are things you can excuse because they’re children, and things you cannot. A wound is a wound, whether an adult suffers it or a child. A child’s wounds are even more terrible!”

“What are you going to do now?”

“We have physical evidence, don’t we? We must report this to the police immediately! I know these problems well. If we report it to the school, they’ll just take away the evidence and coax us to settle it among friends. The two of us alone going to the police station won’t make much of an impact, so we should gather as many people as possible and go as a group...!”

“Yes.”

Paladin.

“That is the kind of person you are.”

Someone who strove to reduce the number of victims, even by one.

“If there had been even one person like you in that classroom, it would never have come to that.”

“... What?”

“Because you would never stand by and watch something like this. You would never leave it alone, and you could never fail to notice it. Because there wasn’t a single person like you in that entire classroom.”

I closed the phone.

“That is why this happens.”

“...”

“It’s all right. Please disappear. I’ll take care of everything that remains.”

When I close my eyes and open them again,

-■■, ■■ ■ ■■■.

A faceless wraith sways before me.

“...”

Slowly,

I stood in the hallway and looked around.

-■■ ■■■?

-■■ ■. ■■ ■■■.

Students talked as they came and went. They chattered idly. They laughed when amused, and laughed even when they weren’t. They shared a season of youth with one another. When a teacher passed, they bowed in greeting.

That...

-■ ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■ ■■■ ■■ ■■ ■ ■■■■ ■■■■■■ ■■ ■■ ■■■■■? ■■ ■ ■■?

-■, ■■?

-■■! ■■■ ■ ■■ ■■ ■■■ ■■!

-■■... ■■ ■■■. ■■■■■ ■ ■■■ ■■■ ■ ■ ■■■

-■■ ■■■■ ■ ■ ■■■■■■ ■■ ■■■ ■■■■■ ■! ■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■ ■ ■■! ■■ ■■■■■ ■■.

-■■■ ■■■■■■ ■■. ■■■■ ■■■ ■■ ■■■■■ ■■. ■■■■ ■■■ ■ ■■ ■■■■ ■■■ ■■ ■■ ■■■■.

-■ ■■ ■■ ■■. ■■ ■■.

-■■ ■■■ ■■.

People’s voices were nothing more than noise.

Words failed to form sentences, and sentences tried and failed to become writing.

Bright, cheerful slogans were posted on the stairs.

[■■■ ■■■♪]

[■■■ ■■■♪]

[■■■ ■■■■♪]

That

was the Heaven-Slaying Star’s world.