Chapter 228 - Hatred (1)

1

[I] slowly looked around.

"Home run! Home run!"

"It's a home run! Ah, the ball sails clean over the fence!"

The Yoo Suha Guild.

On the second-floor terrace of the building occupying Babylon's prime real estate, a Korean baseball broadcast played placidly. Like cicadas crying on some summer day, the commentators' voices were less a human conversation than part of the distant, flowing background.

"Ah."

Yoo Suha sat on the sofa, scratching at his head. At the very spot he had shot through only moments before.

"Baseball's fucking boring."

"..."

"Hey, guys. I'm going out for a drink."

He yawned and rose from the sofa.

"I feel like drinking alone, so don't follow me. I'm staying out tonight, so don't contact me, either. I'll ignore your calls. Just so you know."

"Don't drink too much, Mr. Yoo Suha."

TAP, TAP.

Across from me, Ja Sujeong tapped at her laptop's keyboard. The early-summer breeze drifting through Babylon's square stirred her hair.

"Unless you want me to make another pilgrimage through all of Babylon looking for you."

"Sure."

Yoo Suha didn't spare us a single glance. He merely waved his right hand with his back turned. Soon, he disappeared down the stairs.

"..."

I clenched my teeth.

"Manager Ja Sujeong."

"Yes, Mr. Kim Gongja."

"Viscountess Ja Sujeong."

"Yes, Adviser."

"Tower Master."

"Yes, Death King."

Three forms of address passed between us, and three acknowledgments.

"Is this the possibility you're showing me?"

"It is."

Beyond the terrace, pedestrians crowded the square.

A [future] eleven years after my world's present.

Or a [past] eleven years before my own present.

A world established on the premise of [what if Ja Sujeong had been there].

"Compared to a world like this..."

I glared at Ja Sujeong.

"The world I've built is far more peaceful than this lousy world!"

"..."

"What is this? It's a complete mess! The Black Dragon leader—Anastasia—is still alone and lonely! The Inquisitor... Bambolina hasn't changed, either! He's living on, broken, without even realizing he's broken!"

But.

"[I] set the relationships between the guild leaders right!"

In my world, the Sword Star had abandoned his arrogance and prejudice. The Black Dragon leader had come to consider the Paladin a friend again. The Paladin had set aside the distrust left by the past purge. The Inquisitor had acknowledged his shortcomings and bowed his head to me.

They had come to talk to one another, to acknowledge one another.

"Nothing has changed in this world! The guild leaders are still holed up on their thrones, and the Tower's still a mess. It just gets pushed around by the outside world. This is..."

"But."

Ja Sujeong raised her head. Her purple eyes met mine directly.

"You killed Mr. Yoo Suha."

The wind blew.

"You couldn't change him. Mr. Yoo Suha."

DING.

The wind chime hanging beside the terrace window rang.

"That was..."

"Because Mr. Yoo Suha was an evil man who could never reform?"

The background sound of the baseball broadcast wavered on the breeze.

"Mr. Yoo Suha was the worst of villains, the worst of psychopaths, so you had no choice but to kill him. And because you had no choice, it was neither your fault nor your inability."

"..."

"But look, Gongja."

In the early-summer breeze, the chime's sound faded, and the background pooled into stillness.

"In this world, Mr. Yoo Suha is acting for someone else."

The Flame Emperor had undertaken [regression] himself when Ja Sujeong died and I died. He had turned back twenty-four hours at the cost of killing a day of his own life.

And just now, he had disappeared somewhere with the excuse that he was [going out for a drink].

"The culprit behind the bombings. The traitor infiltrating the Pantheon. The assassin who stabbed the Black Dragon leader in the back. And above all, the Saintess who attacked him. Mr. Yoo Suha is acting now to eliminate them."

With an expressionless face, Ja Sujeong gazed out at the distant square.

"He's more evil than you, less proactive than you, takes less responsibility than you, has less desire to change the world than you, and has had less impact on it. He's a far inferior human being to you, Mr. Kim Gongja."

The square. In the middle of a street bustling with pedestrians, the black hair on the back of a certain hunter's head swayed.

"But even so, he's become someone who acts for another person."

"..."

"He could have become that kind of person. Mr. Yoo Suha could have."

Ah.

"When you killed Mr. Yoo Suha—or, in your own words, when you [hunted] him—that Mr. Yoo Suha wasn't the same person as the Flame Emperor who killed you. He was merely a still-young F-rank hunter, Yoo Suha, the Flame Emperor's past self, who might someday become the Flame Emperor. A Yoo Suha who might have become like the Flame Emperor of this world."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I..."

The words hissed through my teeth.

"I gave him a chance, too."

To avoid killing him, I had...

"I put on an act. I didn't kill him out of nowhere. I gave him a chance. To see whether he could feel compassion for an injured person, whether, even if he demanded payment for his help, he would refrain from harming someone weak and wounded..."

"A test that [difficult], as though you were a god toying with humans."

The Tower Master spoke calmly.

I...

"Difficult? If he'd just treated me without a fuss, if he hadn't tried to kill me..."

"Is that really so [extraordinary]?"

The Tower Master looked at me.

"Is [a person strapped for money killing an injured person and taking their belongings when there are no witnesses] really something only [an exceptionally evil person, beyond forgiveness or reform] could do?"

"Any human being..."

"Any human being could pass?"

Silence.

"Mr. Yoo Suha's death vanished without ever making the news. Because [a low-ranking hunter disappearing] is [a common occurrence]. Don't you know what that implies, Mr. Kim Gongja? Having been a low-ranking hunter yourself?"

"..."

"What proportion of people could really have passed your test, Gongja?"

The scent of early summer was overpowering.

The air was sticky, the wind damp. The air drifting around us felt less like air no one had yet breathed than breath someone else had already inhaled and exhaled. The oxygen entering my lungs was the residue summer had already chewed over once.

"Yes."

Among those breaths was one tinged with purple.

"Mr. Yoo Suha didn't help you. He didn't save you when you lay collapsed in the hunting grounds. Instead, he tried to hurt you. He tried to kill you."

"..."

"But what about Hungry Ghost?"

Ja Sujeong murmured.

"The Demon King of Autumn Rain? Hungry Ghost tried to kill you, too. And actually did. Dozens, hundreds of times, you were killed by Hungry Ghost's blade. The continent was destroyed once by the streams of blood the Demon King of Autumn Rain scattered. Yet you allowed the Demon King another life."

I had given Hungry Ghost life.

"What about Lady Golden Silk Blossom? The Heaven-Slaying Star? The Inquisitor? The Black Dragon leader? The Sword Star? Was even one of them not a [murderer]? Had even one of them killed fewer people than the young Mr. Yoo Suha?"

"..."

"You changed all those people, Death King."

But.

"Except Mr. Yoo Suha."

Him alone.

"Because, Death King, you can only remain ignorant forever."

That son of a bitch alone.

"When the Demon King killed you, you glimpsed the Demon King's past. How a doppelganger became a saintess. How a saintess was branded a witch. Why a witch had to become a demon king. You saw every reason that person became evil."

In a dark alley.

"When the Heaven-Slaying Star killed you, you saw Kim Yul's past. The sunset over the rooftop. The evening light falling on the schoolyard. You saw the broken phone and the text message that would be forgotten."

Not so very long ago, I had admired the number-one hunter. I had witnessed that hunter killing someone in an alley.

"You heard the Sword Star's story. You heard the Black Dragon leader's story. The people who killed you, the people beside you—you learned [why] every one of them became that way. And so you cannot abandon them."

That hunter killed me.

"Only Mr. Yoo Suha's past remains a blind spot for you."

Fucking bastard.

"You can never glimpse Mr. Yoo Suha's trauma."

You didn't have to kill me, did you?

"And you never tried to glimpse it."

Why?

You could have explained. You could have told me your circumstances.

"You didn't want to know."

I admired you so much. Why the hell did a bastard like you...

"Gongja."

How could you do that to me...

"You felt betrayed by Mr. Yoo Suha."

My vision was dark behind my closed eyes. Ja Sujeong's voice quietly crossed that darkness.

"And so you hate him."

Silence passed.

The Korean baseball broadcast stopped. The wind ceased. The wind chime hanging beside the window stood still.

Time passed.

Sunset seeped among the crowds in the square. The sunset had no nationality, nor did the people bathed in it.

"No."

I murmured.

"That wasn't it."

I shook my head. Again and again.

"He would have become a monster. He would have become a monster anyway."

My voice leaked out as though I were feverish.

"No matter where he was born or how he grew up, no matter what he experienced, that bastard would have become a monster. There was no choice but to kill him. He had to die. I couldn't leave him alive. It wasn't for me. It wasn't about my feelings. It wasn't because I couldn't accept him. It was for the Tower. For the world. Because his existence couldn't be allowed. So I..."

I...

"I... that bastard..."

I admired you.

"You were weak."

"..."

"Back then, Gongja, you were weak."

My heart thudded.

"It would have been different had I been there."

My heart thudded loudly.

"You simply couldn't forgive Mr. Yoo Suha. You couldn't accept him. Mr. Yoo Suha must have had a past, must have had his circumstances, but you had no ability to discover them and no room to understand them. Quite simply, Mr. Kim Gongja, you were far too weak then."

The master of the Tower spoke.

"Being weak made you bitter, didn't it?"

"..."

"Your feelings of inferiority and betrayal toward Mr. Yoo Suha. Your anger at your own murder. Your helplessness at being unable to change anyone. The anxiety that, however much you cherished and admired someone, they would never once take you into consideration. The sense that you were utterly worthless."

I could be abandoned at any moment.

"So you had to become someone meaningful to the other person."

Yes.

"I am not powerless. I am different from Yoo Suha. I must be different. The people I save, my subordinates and companions, are not villains like Yoo Suha. They must not be."

No.

"Saving the children in the burning mansion, too."

No.

"Deciding not to kill the Sword Star, Gongja, the exact opposite of Mr. Yoo Suha's choice to kill him. Choosing to save people rather than abandon them. Accepting the Inquisitor as your subordinate and the Black Dragon leader as your friend."

I—

"Kim Yul's pain, the director's regret—no, even your devotion to the Heavenly Demon and your love for the Duchess of Ivansia. Everything you've done since regressing, Mr. Kim Gongja, was because you didn't want to be abandoned. Because you never wanted to be weak again. To prove that you were different from Mr. Yoo Suha, that other people were different from him—"

"No!"

No. That wasn't true.

I glared at Ja Sujeong.

"..."

How dare she. How dare she describe it that way.

"Why not?"

The Tower Master spread her arms. Her clothes fluttered like butterfly wings.

I...

"Yoo Suha—that bastard cannot be the meaning of my life."

I was weak. I had been weak.

There had certainly been days when I told myself, over and over, that I mustn't become a psychopath, that no matter how successful I became, I mustn't turn away from children burning inside a mansion. That [I mustn't become like Yoo Suha].

"I've already overcome Yoo Suha."

But not anymore.

"The part Yoo Suha plays in my life is so insignificant now that I can look down on him and laugh!"

I had met my attendant spirit. I had met my Master. I had met Raviel. I had met the director.

"In my life..."

People so very beautiful.

"Who will give it meaning..."

Those I had chosen to stand beside.

"Is for me to decide!"

"..."

"The people who will be my reason for living—I, and I alone, decide who they are."

I grow stronger only for them. Not because of the likes of Yoo Suha.

I no longer live through my inferiority toward Yoo Suha, my sense of betrayal by someone, my anxiety about others. I will no longer let those things become my reason for living.

I am stronger than I was yesterday.

"..."

Ja Sujeong looked at me.

"Are you saying Mr. Yoo Suha is no longer your reason?"

"Yes."

I spoke with conviction.

"I go through my days without even thinking of that bastard. He can fuck off."

"But you still hate him."

"Fuck."

"He still holds such enormous meaning in your life. Enough that you can never forgive him. No, enough that you must not forgive him. Because you must never forgive him, you treat Mr. Yoo Suha as the most vicious psychopath in the world."

"Fine."

I clenched my teeth.

"Thank you so fucking much for proving that Yoo Suha was a bastard who could change, too."

"..."

"Now I'll prove to you that he means nothing to me."

Son of a bitch.

"Viscountess Ja Sujeong."

I glared at her.

"You were showing off in front of me, saying you changed Yoo Suha, that only you could change him. Correct?"

"Yes."

"I'll hate Yoo Suha forever, and I can't change that, so that's how weak I am. So I should admit I'm weaker than you and acknowledge that you're someone who can change every misfortune in this world. Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes."

"You can tell that to fuck off."

I stood.

"I won't give someone like Yoo Suha even my hatred or contempt anymore."

I looked down at Ja Sujeong, seated with the sunset behind her.

"He no longer holds any meaning in my life."

No. I would make sure he couldn't.

I was sick to death of even hating a bastard like that!

"I've grown stronger."

I took out a card.

The first skill I ever received. My starting point.

+

[I Want to Be Like You]

Rank: S+

Effect: Automatically activates when an enemy kills you. Copies one of the skills of the enemy who killed you and makes it your own. You cannot copy an opponent you have already copied once. The skill to be copied is selected at random.

※However, you die!

+

"I will change Yoo Suha."

I glared at The Master of All Life.

"I changed Hungry Ghost, who destroyed a continent. The old Sword Star, the Black Dragon leader, the Inquisitor—they all changed. Yoo Suha... Do you think I can't change a fucking lowlife bastard like that? Me?"

"Yes."

"I don't need your what-if world."

My voice was hot, as though I had swallowed fire.

"Hungry Ghost, old Mr. Kallenberg, Anastasia, Bambolina, Raviel—I changed them. I'll make them happier than anyone else can. I don't need some what-if that assumes your existence. The reality they share with me is their best scenario."

"..."

"You can't make my Master as happy as I can."

I don't need your salvation.

"You can't make Raviel as happy as I can."

There is no reason to patch our weakness with you. Because we are no longer weak.

We do not need gold.

"And you..."

I declared.

"You won't be able to change that fucker Yoo Suha as much as I can."

"..."

"The Yoo Suha in this world, wandering around guzzling fucking soju? I wouldn't take him even if you gave him to me. The son of a bitch I'll change will be a far better, happier son of a bitch than the one you changed. Because I'm more capable than you. Because I'm stronger."

"Aha."

Hearing my declaration of war, Ja Sujeong laughed. Once again, she laughed for a long while. Then, laughing, she asked,

"Can you prove that? Anyone can build a paradise with words alone."

"I'm a bastard who's never once been all talk."

"That's true. You haven't. Then may I take this as a challenge to me, Gongja?"

"It's a duel."

"I always welcome a duel."

The god with the face of an eighteen-year-old hummed in delight.

"One who duels is a warrior. Only a warrior is a human who shoulders their own life. I love all humans, praise all blood as beautiful, and take pleasure in frustrating every challenger. For I am strong."

"I'm strong, too."

"I am the strongest in all creation."

The expressionless girl was enjoying herself.

"I melted the heart of His Majesty the Sun King, who had shut himself away for sixty years. I soothed the heart of Her Grace the Idle-Eater Duchess, rotten and festering for a thousand years. I thawed the Dragon Emperor's time, frozen for seven thousand years. And all of that is merely the prologue."

The Tower Master tilted her head.

"I built the Tower. Thus I embrace the unlucky, the unfortunate, the weak, the evil, the slaughterers, the murderous fiends, the cannibals of every world—all the weak and evil—and allow them to live again. My heart is infinite, my life eternal, and I can soothe the wounds of every child torn apart by the world. Even you, Mr. Kim Gongja, could only finally breathe after setting foot in the Tower I built. How dare you challenge me to a duel?"

"Then..."

I said,

"Try making Raviel happier than I do."

Just as your life proves your strength, my life, too, proves mine.

"Try making my Master smile more brightly than I do."

The people who stand beside me are my proof.

"Go on. Try."

"Ahaha."

Ja Sujeong laughed.

"Good."

Laughter spread into the sunset.

"Very good."

Her violet eyes half closed. A purple fragrance mingled with the early-summer air.

"So? How?"

It gave off the lavish scent of rotten poisonous herbs.

"By what means?"

The fragrance approached me.

"By what means could you possibly change Mr. Yoo Suha more than I can? Hmm? Do you have the means? A method?"

The purple fragrance caressed my cheek.

"I have All Life. I staked myself, my talent, and my life to obtain the ability called All Life. I constructed it. Perfected it. Do you have such means—a method, Mr. Kim Gongja?"

The kingdom's courtesan whispered in my ear. Sweetly, with the voice that had bewitched countless nobles and royals, and the Dragon Emperor.

"You've already killed Mr. Yoo Suha."

"..."

"Ah, will you regress to the past before you killed him? You've already done it more than four thousand times. A few hundred days wouldn't be impossible. Of course, every bond you've built during that time with the Black Dragon leader, the Sword Star, the Heavenly Demon, the Heaven-Slaying Star, and so very many others would be wiped away."

"..."

"Giving up your other bonds to change Mr. Yoo Suha. Indeed. [The person called Yoo Suha truly means nothing to Mr. Kim Gongja], doesn't he? How meaningless must he be to outweigh the meaning of all those hundreds of days?"

Fucking...

My head grew hot. Heat surged up from my heart. Rather than suppressing it, I spat it out.

"My reward."

"Hmm?"

Ja Sujeong tilted her head.

"What reward?"

"Just hand over my reward."

I hadn't taken out the card for nothing.

"You still owe me something."

I turned the card over. Its skill description was written on the back.

+

Automatically activates when an enemy kills you.

Copies one of the skills of the enemy who killed you and makes it your own

+

"The rules you made."

The Tower you built.

"The means I rightfully earned."

The dagger I had left in the Tower's keeping.

"On that basis, I demand that you give me my reward."

"Oh?"

Ja Sujeong smiled with her eyes.

"You'll take a skill from me and become stronger than me?"

"Yes."

"Are you perhaps thinking of taking [All Life]? What a pity. That technique is only meaningful when several skills are combined. If you had [Golden Dragon’s Eyes] and [Glacier Dragon’s Breath], you could perform tricks like mine... But what are we to do?"

Ja Sujeong hummed.

"You can only take a single skill, Gongja."

Her enjoyment was deepening.

"Could taking one of my skills even let you change Mr. Yoo Suha, let alone become stronger than me? To become as overpowered as I am, you need very, very, very many things, Gongja."

"Scared?"

I couldn't let the god have all the fun.

"Aha?"

"If you can't give it to me, fine. You're scared, aren't you? If you're scared, admit defeat. I had to see your entire life as the skill's penalty, but you'll give me only the penalty and no reward? That says plenty about how this Tower is run."

"What a cute provocation. Truly."

Ja Sujeong smiled deeply.

"And one I cannot help but take the bait for."

Her fingers played upon the air.

"Very well, Death King. Take whatever you like."

The Tower's voice rang out.

[The skill conditions have been met.]

[Randomly copying a skill of ‘The Master of All Life’!]

SNAP!

Ja Sujeong snapped her fingers.

"Go on. Take a piece of the life I've lived and prove your words. Death King. Adviser. Mr. Kim Gongja."

SHRRR.

Golden cards arrayed themselves in midair.

[Generating skill cards!]

The sun had set, and night had already fallen over the terrace.

Against the dark night sky, the Tower Master's golds glittered like the North Star.

[Madness About Madness]

[Three Joys of Kingship]

[One Loved by Dice]

[Royal Preceptor]

[Guardian of Demihumans]

[Golden Dragon’s Gaze]

[Earthbone Dragon’s Skull]

[Glacier Dragon’s Breath]

[All Life]

Stars, each shining on its own. Linked together, they embroidered a constellation named the Tower Master.

That was the Tower Master's life, and this was the Tower itself.

"..."

I reached toward a star in the night sky.

And grasped its golden light.