Chapter 4 - Tutorial (3)

When it comes to [Dungeon and Stone], I am an expert. I can rattle off which monsters appear where, their habits, and their weaknesses without even having to think.

That was the basis of my final judgment: with a barbarian's body and my knowledge combined, I could easily survive in the Labyrinth.

At least, that was what I genuinely believed at the time.

"Ha..."

The moment I entered the Labyrinth, everything went dark. Not as a metaphor for my future, but literally. I can't see a thing. Someone could probably blindfold me right now without my even noticing.

It wouldn't make much difference.

"Fuck."

It feels like I've been hit hard in the back of the head. The other barbarians had all been carrying nothing but a single weapon, so it never even occurred to me to question this.

Normally, you shouldn't need a torch on the first floor. The crystals on the walls serve as light sources. Sure, there are Dark Regions here too, but aside from the outermost area leading to the second floor, they cover only a tiny fraction—

'Wait, did I land in one of those?'

I quickly formed a hypothesis. Your starting location is random when you enter the Labyrinth. Of course, random or not, you never get dumped into a place like this. Even if you start in the outer reaches, there are always glowing crystals nearby.

But this isn't simply the game world I used to see through a monitor. What if all of that had been a convenience the developer provided for the player? What if, in reality, you could get screwed over with a starting point in a Dark Region?

That would explain my current situation.

No, that has to be it. Because if the entire first floor is like this, I'm not confident I can survive even a day.

"Whew..."

Still, calmly sorting things out helped settle my nerves. Fortunately, my eyes seem to have adjusted to the dark, because I can see much better than before. Not that I can make out more than the barest outlines.

Well, this isn't so hopeless that I should bite through my tongue and kill myself. Let's check what needs checking first. I'm finally alone, after all.

"Status window. Equipment window. Character info. Stats. Inventory. Check Daily log... oh, fuck it."

So it doesn't work after all. Well, I wasn't expecting anything anyway.

"Let's go."

With my shield in one hand and the other against the wall, I move forward at a little faster than a crawl.

Hmm. Or am I? Crawling might actually be faster, but I can't pick up the pace. It's dangerous...

"Aaaaaagh!"

A sharp pain suddenly flares in my ankle. Pain unlike anything I've ever felt sends my nerves into a frenzy. Even so, I take stock of the situation.

What the hell went wrong?

Even without a combat log, the answer comes quickly.

「Your character has stepped on a goblin trap.」

Fuck. I just stepped on a trap.

* * *

Where did I go wrong?

The answers come pouring out without any thought.

The shield gave me a sense of security. But it also blocked a considerable portion of my view. If I'd hung it from my belt and focused solely on watching my surroundings, I might have spotted the trap.

What good is a shield when I can't see anything anyway? I should have chosen practicality over peace of mind.

Damn it.

"Nngh... hh..."

My mind goes blank. I want to scream right now, but I desperately hold it in.

It would be one thing if screaming could improve the situation. But I know full well it will only make things worse.

My heart pounds and pounds, racing madly as if something inside it has broken.

"Huff, huff, huff..."

I press my lips together and force my breathing under control.

What I need to think about right now isn't how much I'm hurting or struggling. Only one monster on the first floor uses traps: goblins.

And the bastard is bound to be nearby.

"..."

Reflexively, I raise my shield to cover my head. Then I stop breathing altogether and focus on listening. For now, I hear nothing. It's as quiet as if time itself has stopped.

... Could it be absent?

I don't know. It's possible. Maybe it just happened to step away. Even goblins have to take a shit.

'Bullshit. You don't actually believe that yourself.'

I carefully fold up the hope creeping into my mind and toss it out. For two reasons.

One: being positive and being an optimist are different things.

Two: what I need right now is a negative mindset.

"..."

If I can't be certain, I'll assume the worst.

The goblin heard my scream. It's hiding in the darkness, quietly waiting for my strength to drain away. That's why I can't hear anything.

It was the same in the game. Wherever there was a trap, there was always a goblin nearby.

"Whew..."

I slowly release the breath I've been holding. Whatever the actual situation, it's so quiet here that I should be able to notice anything approaching as long as I stay alert.

For now, let's do what I need to do.

"... Nngh!"

I crouch down, pry the trap open with both hands, and pull my foot free. Then I tear off a strip of my trouser leg, remove my footwear, and bind the wound tightly.

I decide to throw away the shredded footwear. Honestly, calling it a shoe was a stretch. I'd been wearing sandals that were practically flip-flops.

Fucking barbarian bastards. If they'd at least sent me off in leather boots, a single trap wouldn't have left me half-crippled...

'Fuck, what am I thinking right now?'

Recognizing my own irrationality cools my head. Let's not get any more pathetic.

No amount of cursing them will change the situation I'm facing. Ultimately, it's my fault for not checking the ground properly. So let's stop whining and assess my condition.

'Whew. I'm really in deep shit.'

I've already lost feeling in my right foot. I can feel heat, but even that is gradually fading.

"I know you're hiding. Come out."

I murmur the words quietly. Still, there's not the slightest sign of movement beyond the darkness.

So I slowly move forward, one heavy step after another. One leg is wrecked, but it hurts less than I'd expected. Probably thanks to a paralytic poison...

I'm not sure whether to call that a good thing.

"I said come out, motherfucker."

I keep moving forward, not hesitating to taunt them. Time isn't on my side. If I have to fight, the sooner the better. My injury is one thing, but I also can't ignore the possibility that it's waiting for its friends.

"Not coming out?"

Of course, this could all be my imagination. There might not be a goblin at all. In that case, I'd just be an idiot who stepped in a trap and then put on a whole ridiculous one-man show.

But so what? Even so, I'd rather be an idiot who survives.

"Then just stay there. I'm leaving."

I pick up the pace. It's only a little faster than a crawl, but it feels like I'm sprinting an entire marathon.

One step, then another. As I force myself to walk, my right foot begins to throb.

"Sss, hah, hah..."

It's one of two things. Either the paralytic poison has worn off, or the pain has grown too severe for it to suppress. On second thought, neither is so bad.

If the poison has worn off, that's good in itself. And when you think about it, doesn't feeling pain mean my nerve cells are still alive?

'Wait, why am I only positive about things like this?'

Well, I'd rather not think about it. I don't have the mental capacity to spare, either.

"... Your mom's a goblin."

The words spill out without any filtering from my brain. Is it because I've lost so much blood? My brain feels soaked in alcohol.

"Your dad's a goblin too."

Of course, even as I blurt out whatever comes to mind, my feet keep moving.

"And that makes you a goblin."

That's when I hear the first sound. It is faint, but to my straining ears, it's incredibly loud.

SPLAT

At last, the bastard has given away its presence.

"What, can't stand someone insulting your parents either?"

Of course, I know that isn't why. It wasn't even an insult to begin with...

The sound came from behind me. It makes more sense to assume it had no choice but to move as I got farther away.

I move faster. Its footsteps quicken in response.

SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT

Now that I can hear them more clearly, its footsteps sound peculiar. With every step comes the sound of something sticky adhering to a smooth surface and peeling away. Even knowing it's supposed to be less than a meter tall, I feel the oppressive weight of a gigantic monster chasing me.

I keep talking to it, if only to shake off my fear. I'm a barbarian. If I can just draw it into close combat, there's no way I'll lose to some goblin.

"Quit following me and come get some, you fucking weakling."

That's why I keep taunting it, but it only follows at a fixed distance. It doesn't even seem interested in hiding anymore.

"Grrk, grrk...!"

It sounds almost like a howl, but somehow I can tell.

"Grrrrk! Grrk!"

It's snickering. It's genuinely delighted to watch its prey bleed to death. It wants me to hear that sound and be afraid.

... Clever bastard.

Fine. Change of plans.

I stop walking, stagger, and collapse onto the ground.

THUD!

My forehead hits a rock hard enough that it feels like it might split open, but I don't make a sound.

From here on, it's a test of patience. If it thinks I've collapsed and approaches first, I win. If I actually pass out before then, I lose.

"Grrk?"

I decide to trust the toughness of this body, which has walked roughly three hundred meters on a mangled foot.

SPLAT

Its footsteps gradually draw closer, at a pace slow enough to make me yawn. Even though its prey has collapsed just as it wanted, it remains suspicious.

'Jesus, why is a goblin this cautious?'

I can't help cursing. In the game, goblins were the weakest trash mobs. They used poison and set traps, but aside from that, their combat abilities were abysmal.

But what about the goblin I've encountered in reality?

SPLAT

It is no laughing matter. I realize why the village NPCs talked so much about how cunning goblins were. As far as I can tell, these things are several times smarter than those barbarian bastards.

SPLAT

It stops somewhere between five and ten meters away.

Why?

As I'm wondering about that, a blunt impact strikes my shoulder.

THOCK. RATTLE-RATTLE.

What the hell? Did this cocksucker just throw a rock at me?

'... It isn't going to keep throwing them until I'm a bloody pulp, is it?'

"Grrrrk! Grrk!"

Contrary to my fears, it lets out a joyful howl. Apparently, my failure to react to the stone has convinced it I'm dead.

SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT

It quickly approaches. I can tell from its running footsteps just how excited it is.

I suppress my excitement and calmly judge the distance by sound. Then, when I decide it's come within arm's reach—

"You motherfucker!"

I spring up and reach for it.

I figure reaching out is faster than picking up my shield and swinging it, and gives me a longer reach. But I immediately sense that the plan has gone wrong. Again, for two reasons.

First, it's about one step farther away than I thought. Second, it moves far more nimbly than I'd expected.

"Grrk!"

It pulls its torso back and retreats. I can't see it, but that's exactly how it feels. Instinctively, I know I've missed.

Damn it, now what? I rack my brain, preparing my next plan.

But in that instant, my body moves on its own.

"...?"

It is a truly strange sensation. Everything is still pitch-black. And yet, I instinctively know where the goblin has jumped. By the time I realize this, my hand has already changed course and is moving toward it.

"Grrk?!"

I feel my fingers close around something. Whether it's a wrist, an ankle, or its neck doesn't matter.

"Aaaaaaagh!"

With a wild scream, I slam it into the ground.

CRUNCH!

Something breaks. But I can't afford to relax, so I immediately climb on top of its upper body.

"G-grrk!"

Now the tables have turned.

"I'm on top, and you're underneath, you motherfucker!"

I pound its face like a madman. I'm so worked up that I sometimes hit the ground instead, but this barbarian body is much stronger than I'd imagined. Rather than hurting my fists, the stone floor cracks beneath them.

"..."

Before long, it stops moving. And then...

WHOOOOSH!

Dust scatters into the air. Strangely, it's glowing.

I stop punching. At some point, the goblin's body beneath me has begun breaking into tiny pieces and drifting away.

You've got to be kidding me.

"Ha, fuck. So this part's exactly the same?"

Please, just pick one. Either be a game or a reality that merely resembles one. I keep getting confused about which rules I'm supposed to follow.

「You have defeated a goblin. EXP +1」

Soon, the goblin's body disappears without a trace. Feeling inexplicably hollow, I pick up the little stone left in its place.

「You have acquired a Grade 9 magic crystal.」

It gives off a faint glow. This is a magic crystal, the currency of [Dungeon and Stone].

How much was this worth again? The memory soon returns.

"One piece of bread."

The average value of the magic crystals goblins dropped in the game.

For some reason, a laugh escapes me.

"Heh heh heh..."

After all that fucking shit, this is all I get?

My cluttered mind feels much clearer. It's something like that strange urge to laugh after crying your eyes out.

"Heh, heh heh heh."

There is a Labyrinth, and there are monsters. Dead monsters disappear, leaving loot behind. And in the city outside, real people of different races live side by side.

That is certainly the kind of world this is.

But...

I won't make the mistake of confusing it again.