Chapter 138 - The Pretender III

6

Kuro. Black.

Apparently, Kuro was the nickname of the diary’s owner, whose name had never appeared anywhere in her testament notebook.

Note that it was a nickname, not her real name. Even Obsidian Zither did not know the diary owner’s actual name.

“Kuro never spoke to anyone.”

And probably no one knew it.

“Weren’t you in the same group?”

“Yes. She was Japanese like us, so she did belong to our group. But she always trailed behind at the very back. She never took the initiative to do anything or joined in.”

“...”

In casual terms, a loner. An outsider.

You know how there’s always a kid like that when elementary school children go on a field trip? While all the other children follow their teacher in a tight formation, that one kid hangs back at the very end, insisting, “Don’t worry, everyone. I’m concentrating on the true purpose of a field trip: appreciating the scenery.”

Kuro was exactly that type.

Life for loners became far harsher after the apocalypse than it had been before.

In this era, sociability was not a trait you could take or leave. It was directly tied to human survival.

“If she was that much of a loner, the group couldn’t have treated her very well.”

“That’s right. Even when we fought supernatural creatures, she just stood there watching blankly. I remember she wasn’t included when we divided up the loot the fairies gave us, either.”

“...”

“Still, we didn’t expel her from the group. She hadn’t caused any trouble... And to be blunt, we also calculated that if supernatural creatures ambushed us from behind, Kuro would be the first casualty.”

“A pawn who was only useful as a sacrifice?”

“To be honest, yes. That was how it was.”

... That was completely at odds with the impression I had formed while reading her testament notebook.

In the diary, Kuro had seemed like an awakened who at least pulled her own weight within the group, twisted though her nature was.

Above all, after the opening entries, she had begun implying that her combat prowess had grown as well. She claimed she could repel an attack by the centaur tribe all on her own.

Had all of that testimony been a lie? Was the diary I had found nothing more than some loner’s notebook of delusions?

“However... Now that I think back on it after hearing what you’ve said, Undertaker, there were a few things that seemed strange.”

“It doesn’t matter how trivial the information is. Speak freely.”

Obsidian Zither furrowed her brow, as though rummaging through the drawers of her memory for an already faded photograph.

“... Kuro slept a lot.”

I blinked.

“Slept?”

“Yes. Sleep. You know how being spirited away usually puts you on edge, since you never know when some supernatural creature might spring out at you? But although Kuro was always timid and hesitant when she was awake, she was strangely carefree whenever she slept.”

“...”

“And this may sound strange, but with every day she slept, the ‘hair’ on her arms grew thicker. Yes. Just like in the photograph you showed me, Undertaker.”

The Monkey’s Paw.

A human who draws upon an anomaly’s power becomes increasingly like that anomaly.

If someone relied on the Monkey’s Paw, they too would surely degenerate into a monkey-like form.

“Naturally, we were wary when hair suddenly began growing on someone’s arms. It might have been some unknown contagious disease or a curse. So we restrained Kuro and searched her belongings...”

“What was in her backpack?”

“... A monster’s hand, an ordinary notebook, and some snacks. Of course, we tried to confiscate the monster’s hand. But...”

But they had been unable to confiscate it.

“When we tried to take it away, that hand began thrashing around with tremendous strength. Several members of our group were sent flying in an instant.”

“Well now.”

“Fortunately, no one was seriously injured. But Kuro fled in the confusion. The monster’s hand crawled after her, as if following her. We were bewildered and dumbfounded... But more than anything, it was unsettling. So we simply let Kuro disappear.”

“And you never saw Kuro again?”

“No.”

Obsidian Zither looked down at the photograph on the table.

“I did wonder a little what had happened to her. So she turned into this hairy creature. It was probably some sort of curse.”

“...”

I chatted with Obsidian Zither about various things until that evening, then took my leave.

Just before leaving the shrine, I asked her one more question as she came to see me off.

“Oh, right. Let me ask you one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“When you went through the tutorial dungeon on Jeju Island, did a large number of Japanese people die early on? Say, about sixteen people near the dungeon entrance?”

Obsidian Zither shook her head.

“No. Nothing like that happened. Our group had a high survival rate.”

“As I thought. All right. Thank you.”

“...? You’re welcome. Have a safe journey home.”

I quietly descended the shrine steps.

Now then.

What on earth was the truth behind this affair?

For a start, there was no doubt that the Monkey’s Paw had pulled some sort of trick. If Obsidian Zither’s testimony was trustworthy, it was also certain that the diary had not described reality as it actually was.

“Hmm.”

I wrote a short sentence in small letters at the back of the diary.

[Old Man Scho is an idiot].

Then, in my next run, I went to Seongsan Ilchulbong and picked up the same diary.

Even when I opened its pages, the words [Old Man Scho is an idiot] were nowhere to be found.

“—Aha.”

Only then did I realize how the Monkey’s Paw had granted the wishes, what this diary really was, and the truth about the ‘false regressor.’

The solution was simple.

7

“This is a dream journal, Dokseo.”

Oh Dokseo blinked.

“Uh... A dream journal?”

“Yes. You must have heard of them. Sometimes people write them for psychological counseling, and sometimes simply to try experiencing lucid dreams. Either way, this item is a notebook recording things that happened in dreams.”

“I’ve heard of them... What? Then everything written in this notebook was just some fantasy that happened in a dream?”

“Something like that.”

I picked up the notebook and lightly fluttered it back and forth.

“Didn’t you notice anything strange?”

“Anything strange?”

“Yes. The diary says that time repeats endlessly starting from Day 5. Yet for some reason, this diary alone keeps retaining its contents without being affected by regression.”

“...! Oh! Oh!”

“Looks like you’ve caught on.”

I smiled.

“Unless it’s a special unique item, like my sword cane Doha or the Logout Game laptop I gave you, the diary’s contents should naturally return to blank pages if a real regression occurs. But the diary kept going as if that were perfectly normal.”

“Then that diary is something that survives regression too, like your unique items, Mister...?”

“That was a possibility, but I tested it myself, and it wasn’t.”

[Old Man Scho is an idiot].

The sentence I had written as a test had vanished completely in the next run.

In the end, this diary was no remarkable item. It was merely an ordinary notebook.

“That makes the conclusion simple. Someone who dreamed that she was repeatedly regressing wrote this diary.”

“Oh... Huh? Wait, Mister. Then didn’t the Monkey’s Paw deceive Kuro by pretending to grant her wishes?”

Oh Dokseo snatched the notebook from my hand and opened it to the section labeled 《Day 4》.

――――――――――

1. Whatever wish I make, please don’t create any side effects from it.

2. Please remove the limit on the number of wishes I can make. If removing the limit is impossible, please consider this wish unmade.

3. Please give me good luck. Please let me avoid all ‘chance misfortunes,’ such as being killed by a rock that happens to roll down.

――――――――――

“Here. This.”

Oh Dokseo pressed her fingertip firmly against the first wish.

“Look closely. She clearly wished for it not to create any side effects from her wishes.”

“She did.”

“But if all it did was show Kuro a dream of ‘Turns Out I’m a Regressor with Maxed-Out Luck?!’ while she was still just a powerless loner in reality, doesn’t that count as fraud?”

I smiled.

“Dokseo. You lack anomaly sensitivity.”

“What? What kind of bullshit is that?”

“Think deeply about the anomaly called the Monkey’s Paw. It was never a being that grants wishes. It is a being that causes side effects from wishes. That is the Monkey’s Paw.”

Humans always want gains without losses.

In short, they have no conscience.

In place of the conscience humans have lost, the anomaly says this: everything in the world has disadvantages to go with its advantages.

If you gain something, you must also lose something.

‘Good fortune and misfortune exist in equal total amounts.’

That way of thinking was precisely the law the anomaly called the Monkey’s Paw insisted upon.

“In that sense, [The Monkey’s Paw] isn’t a name that particularly reflects its essence. Should we call it [Advantages and Disadvantages]? [The Law of Total Fortune] would be more appropriate.”

“The Law of Total Fortune...”

Oh Dokseo murmured blankly.

I nodded.

The Total Fortune System.

That was this anomaly’s true name.

“Here’s how the Total Fortune System works. First, a person wishes for the ‘good fortune’ they want. Then the anomaly assigns an amount of ‘misfortune’ that it judges equal in magnitude to that good fortune.”

“Aha...?”

In short, the Monkey’s Paw was like the hand of a merchant who traded good fortune for misfortune.

“But one day, a customer suddenly demands good fortune for free. That was Kuro. Now, how do you think that would feel to a merchant whose business had been running smoothly?”

“... What kind of lowlife asshole is this?”

“Exactly. An awkward situation.”

Of course, anomalies do not experience the emotion of awkwardness.

An ‘error’ simply occurs.

When forced into a situation that contradicts its own essence, an anomaly will use any means necessary to correct the error.

The Total Fortune System was no different.

“Therefore...”

I took out a pen.

SCRITCH, SCRATCH.

I drew an arrow beside 《Day 4》 in the diary, then added my interpretation on a blank page.

“The Total Fortune System had no choice but to twist Kuro’s wish. Like this.”

――――――――――

1. Whatever wish I make, please don’t create any side effects from it.

→

(1) Any good fortune must come with misfortune of equal magnitude. That is what Kuro called a ‘side effect.’

(2) Without any downside or side effect, there can be no good fortune. Kuro’s wish is therefore equivalent to not wanting any good fortune at all.

(3) Thus, Kuro made no wishes in this reality. The wishes she made will be granted ‘somewhere other than reality.’

(4) ‘Somewhere other than reality’ need not abide by the Law of Total Fortune. There, Kuro can enjoy nearly infinite good fortune.

(5) Since there is no particular need to assign misfortune to the good fortune she enjoys there, no misfortune will befall Kuro in reality.

(6) Kuro in reality has neither good fortune nor misfortune. Thus, Kuro’s wish for no ‘downsides’ or ‘side effects’ has been granted.

――――――――――

Oh Dokseo’s mouth fell wide open.

“Nooo...”

“Well? Do you understand?”

“No side effects means... Oh, sure, no matter how delicious a dream is, you can’t really say it causes side effects in reality... Wow, seriously. You really shouldn’t use anomalies carelessly...?”

I was satisfied with Oh Dokseo’s muttering. I had wanted her to learn that precious lesson all along.

“The problem doesn’t end here. The second wish also caused enormous repercussions.”

――――――――――

2. Please remove the limit on the number of wishes I can make. If removing the limit is impossible, please consider this wish unmade.

――――――――――

I tapped the second wish with the tip of my pen.

“This removed the Monkey’s Paw’s limit.”

“Removed its limit?”

“As you know, the Monkey’s Paw only permits three exchanges of good fortune for misfortune. It’s an unwritten rule. But what did Kuro say? She asked it to remove the wish limit.”

From Kuro’s perspective, she must have thought she had slipped in an unconventional clause that would let her reap all the benefits.

But the ‘side effects’ she had been so wary of came about in an entirely different way.

“In the end, this effectively removed the chains binding the anomaly called the Total Fortune System.”

“... What does that mean?”

“It means this.”

――――――――――

2. Please remove the limit on the number of wishes I can make. If removing the limit is impossible, please consider this wish unmade.

→

(1) Wishes made by humans mean ‘good fortune.’

(2) Removing the limit on the number of wishes means removing the limit on ‘the amount of good fortune that can accumulate.’

(3) Yet good fortune and misfortune must always maintain equal totals.

(4) Thus, if the limit on good fortune disappears, the limit on misfortune must disappear as well. From now on, humans must exchange good fortune and misfortune not merely three times, but an infinite number of times and in infinite amounts.

――――――――――

Oh Dokseo froze.

“Huh? Huh? Huuuh...?”

“Pay attention to the wish Kuro made, Dokseo. If she had asked something like [Please remove the limit for me alone], well, there probably wouldn’t have been any major side effects.”

But Kuro, consciously or unconsciously, had made one mistake.

“Kuro asked it to lift the [wish limit] of the Monkey’s Paw itself.”

“Meaning...?”

“Meaning the second wish ended up applying not just to Kuro, but to all of humanity. You and I are no exceptions. If we take more ‘good fortune’ than we need, a similar amount of ‘misfortune’ immediately comes our way.”

“Whaaaaaat?”

Oh Dokseo screamed.

“U-us too?”

“Yes.”

“Why!”

“Because an otherwise unknown awakened called Kuro made that wish to the Monkey’s Paw.”

“Fuck, she screwed everyone over!”

“She certainly did.”

Indeed.

We had taken a long detour, but the question this episode began with was simple.

-Why do I, the Undertaker, not monopolize lucky breaks like protagonists in other works of fiction?

Now the answer had been revealed to you as well.

There was only one reason. The anomaly called the Total Fortune System was already built into the very foundations of this world.

“Haven’t you sensed it somehow? We’re lucky enough to have two regressors, and lucky enough to have Noh Doha, a workaholic like no other, who even created the National Road Management Corps. Things are clearly improving, yet inexplicable bullshit keeps piling up against us.”

“Gasp. Don’t tell me...?”

“It’s because of the Total Fortune System. In this world, if you rashly try to get something for nothing, the hammer of unfair bullshit immediately smashes your skull in.”

“Aaaaagh! Agh! Aaaaagh! What kind of shitty game is this!”

Oh Dokseo howled.

In short, monopolizing lucky breaks was impossible in our world at the level of its fundamental laws.

For Oh Dokseo, who considered herself the protagonist of the world, that could only be utterly despair-inducing.

I took a sip of the café au lait that had gone completely cold during my story. It was delicious even cold.

“Well, don’t worry too much.”

As a seasoned regressor, I always had countermeasures prepared for the Total Fortune System as well.

In fact, I was grateful for this anomaly. It really was useful in all sorts of ways.

“How am I supposed not to worry... W-wait! I ate that Tenlegs heart steak earlier! Does that mean I’m going to have that much bad luck from now on? What the hell did you feed me, Mister!”

But that is another story.

Let us save it for some future episode.

8

There is an epilogue.

After learning that the great voids called ‘Dream Within a Dream,’ ‘Bad Ending,’ and ‘Parallel Worlds’ lay dormant in the depths of humanity’s unconscious, I often infiltrated the unconscious world.

My purpose was simple: to periodically clean out humanity’s unconscious storeroom so everyone could always enjoy a sound night’s sleep.

“Hmm?”

“Grrr... Grrk...”

And so, as I was once again engaged in the rewarding work of beating the crap out of Old Man Scho’s Bad Ending, I sensed a strange presence far away, to the south of the Korean Peninsula.

I finished beating Old Man Scho, then headed south.

In the South Sea off the Korean Peninsula stood Seongsan Ilchulbong, as though someone had copied it from reality, enlarged it about fiftyfold, and pasted it there.

“...”

Something rolled and tumbled down.

From a height almost equal to Everest’s, ‘someone’ was rolling something off the edge.

It was a human head.

That someone had long black hair. It was so long that it hid her face.

Rolling. Tumbling.

With a mountain of heads piled beside her, she endlessly dropped them toward the crater of Seongsan Ilchulbong. Expressionlessly. Meaninglessly.

Like a Sisyphus turned upside down.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

――――――――――

3. Please give me good luck. Please let me avoid all ‘chance misfortunes,’ such as being killed by a rock that happens to roll down.

――――――――――

Kuro had wished for all chance misfortunes to be removed from her life.

How had the Monkey’s Paw interpreted that wish?

Might it have decided that ‘inevitable misfortune,’ rather than chance misfortune, was perfectly acceptable?

Countless myths and anecdotes warn against human arrogance. Yet people still blithely think, ‘Couldn’t I still use an anomaly if I just changed the wording of my wish?’

Why settle for a mere three wishes?

Why not ask for infinite wishes?

I would have used the anomaly more wisely.

Even if <The Tale of Kuro> survived as folklore passed among humans, someone among future generations would still approach another Monkey’s Paw, saying, ‘I could have used it better.’

Hubris.

Perhaps that was the misfortune inevitably allotted to the human named Kuro.

I turned my back and left the South Sea behind.

On and on, the heads tumbled.

Even today, in someone’s dream, a girl will be rolling severed heads.

-The Pretender. End.