Chapter 203 - The One Who Forgot (5)

Blue Spear is the noblest of knights.

And the strongest, too.

The bearers of Blue Spear, Golden Spear, and Red Spear never competed to determine who was superior, but unwritten rules still exist.

Doesn't the Empire hold the first of its Five Pillars, the Empire's foremost warrior, in the highest regard? It was the same in Londinel.

Blue Spear.

A spear bestowed upon the strongest, noblest knight.

It isn't simply given to someone of noble character, but to someone who retains that nobility through every trial. And Londinel's last Blue Spear was a man worthy of it.

Sadly, I can't remember clearly.

It must have been an important memory.

But I've forgotten it.

What I do remember, though, is that he spoke respectfully to everyone. Whether they were illustrious nobles of Londinel, beggars asking for alms on the street, or even the lowliest creatures, he never spoke to them dismissively.

Everything in this world has value.

Nothing should be spoken of with contempt.

Yes. He used to say things like that all the time. I can't remember his face. His name, or anything else. But I do remember what he said to me.

Ah, how could I possibly forget?

That was the moment I became a knight, after being called a liar, a fraud, a swindler, a beggar, a coward...

I'm certain his words began like this.

"Kirchhoff."

"Do you know about blue hydrangeas?"

2.

"Najin."

Blue Spear, who lost his memories with each passing day, had once been like a mayfly. He lived for a day and died for a day, his life not continuous but severed and isolated.

Through Najin, however, he had gained some measure of continuity. Najin passed the insights he had gained yesterday on to his self of tomorrow. As Blue Spear began living from yesterday into today, and from today into tomorrow, his life changed.

A change in the life he had repeated for over three hundred years.

That change prompted Blue Spear to ask Najin a question. One day, he asked:

"Do you know about blue hydrangeas?"

He wanted to know what blue hydrangeas were.

At that question, Najin's breathing faltered as he swung his spear. How could it not? He had heard that very question in the story Kirchhoff had told him.

"Blue hydrangeas?"

"Yes. According to my diary, I was called 'Blue Spear' or 'Blue Hydrangea'... but no matter where I look in it, there's nothing explaining this blue hydrangea business."

"Does it explain Blue Spear?"

"It does. Blue Spear. A kind of title. There aren't many details, but it says it's a title bestowed upon a knight who has rendered distinguished service."

Surely it wasn't a title to be described so casually.

But Blue Spear was generally like that.

He never thought highly of himself. It wasn't because he had lost his memories; even in the diary he must have written before losing them, he was humble to a fault.

"Blue Spear wasn't a title that could be described so simply. According to Sir Kirchhoff, it was a title bestowed upon the strongest, noblest knight in Londinel."

"The strongest and noblest?"

Blue Spear blinked.

"Me?"

He murmured as though he couldn't believe it.

"That's... extraordinary. Are you saying I was someone so remarkable?"

"It seems you were. Though I don't know much about it myself."

"Then what about Blue Hydrangea?"

"To begin with, the blue hydrangea is Londinel's national flower."

Najin spoke as he recalled his conversation with Kirchhoff.

"It's the flower that represents Londinel, and it's also the shape Sir Kirchhoff's sword aura takes."

"Kirchhoff. That name comes up quite often, doesn't it?"

"He's Londinel's last knight. He's probably also the only person who remembers Londinel."

"Hearing that name gives me an inexplicable sense of relief. I suppose he and I must have some connection."

There would be a connection. A substantial one, at that.

But rather than explain that connection now, Najin explained blue hydrangeas.

"I'm told blue symbolizes Londinel, and hydrangeas symbolize the knights who protect it. The knight order's banners bore hydrangeas, too. So being called 'Blue Hydrangea' probably..."

Najin pointed to the spear Blue Spear held.

"Meant you were the knight who represented Londinel, its most emblematic knight. Something like that, wouldn't you say?"

Its most emblematic knight.

Blue Spear murmured Najin's words, as though he couldn't believe that the title must have referred to him.

"Well, now."

Then he laughed, shaking his head with a chuckle.

"I can't be certain, having lost my memories... but I don't think I would have seen it that way. I'm not saying you're wrong. Only that I doubt I thought of it like that."

"Then how?"

"Representing others. Being the best. I feel an aversion to hearing such things. Don't those words imply that one is special?"

They did. He wasn't wrong.

Najin tilted his head as if to ask what was wrong with that, and Blue Spear explained.

"I don't consider myself special. Nor do I consider myself superior to others. I don't want to be seen that way, either."

Even after losing his memories and forgetting his past, there was a conviction he had yet to relinquish. Blue Spear was putting that conviction into words.

"I would rather people looked down on me. Thought little of me. I would like them to see me not as the highest, but as the lowest."

When Najin asked why, Blue Spear answered.

"Wouldn't that allow everyone to rise above me?"

He smiled.

"No one remains superior forever. However outstanding someone may be now, as time passes and history unfolds, someone else will use that person's achievements as a foothold to climb higher."

He pointed to the sky.

"Even the star at the highest point in that sky must be the same. That star must be waiting for someone to step upon it and rise higher still."

"You mean King Arthur's star?"

"I don't know who King Arthur is. But that is what I would do."

Watching Blue Spear speak with a gentle smile and shining eyes, Najin recalled the words he had reportedly spoken to Kirchhoff.

「I am not the highest. Nor am I the best. Look down on me. Think of me as easy to surpass. Think of me as a foothold you may freely step upon to climb higher.」

「Kirchhoff.」

「I wish to be not a lonely figure shining at the highest point, but a stairway upon which those who come after me, like you, can climb.」

Those words, which he had spoken over three hundred years ago when his memories were intact—

"Rather than a lonely figure shining forever at the highest point, I wish to be a foothold that allows others to leap higher."

—were astonishingly similar to what he said now, three hundred years later, with all his memories lost. There was a conviction there that even Oblivion had failed to break.

The realization left Najin astonished.

"Are you sure you've lost your memories? You're not lying?"

"Pardon? What do you mean, Najin?"

"What you just said was exactly what you said to Sir Kirchhoff three hundred years ago. Was it written in your diary, by any chance?"

Blue Spear shook his head.

"No. It isn't written there. Those words simply came to me just now..."

Then he laughed.

It was a laugh full of delight.

"For the first time, my past self didn't feel like a stranger just now. It seems I thought the same way before losing my memories as I do now."

Blue Spear tightened his grip on his spear.

Night was approaching. Looking at the dwindling sand in the hourglass, he no longer felt afraid. He let out a long breath, then swung his spear one last time.

"Please be sure to pass these words on to my self of tomorrow."

Najin did.

Hearing what his self of yesterday had said, Blue Spear stood pondering those words, then burst into laughter just as he had the day before.

"I said that? My, how extraordinary. This is the first time I've felt that my past self was the same as me. Then I ought to leave a few words for my self of tomorrow, too."

Najin took yesterday's words and passed them on to today's Blue Spear. He passed today's words and actions on to the man of tomorrow. In this way, he laid a path between Blue Spear's severed days.

WHOOSH!

Sometimes that path was spearwork.

"Your self of yesterday asked me to tell you this: don't waste time worrying and hesitating. If you're curious about something, ask me right away. He said that because of all that hesitation, he only managed to ask two questions instead of ten."

"... I said that?"

"Yes. He said the questions in your mind right now would be things like these: first, what Londinel's streets looked like, what food was sold on them, how the king of Londinel, the liege you served, used to speak, and so on."

Sometimes it was words and letters.

Thus Blue Spear's life grew longer, and so did the messages he left for his self of tomorrow. He now spent more time reading his diary and exchanging questions and answers with Najin than he did swinging his spear.

But if asked whether that meant he was regressing, Najin would have shaken his head.

"Ah, like this."

On the contrary, Blue Spear improved.

The more he understood himself, the more he learned about his past, and the more questions he resolved, the sharper his spear became. His technique improved day after day.

He was no longer merely swinging his spear according to habits engraved in his body; he understood why he needed to move that way. As they shared the insights he gained, Najin's spearwork also improved rapidly.

"This is something your self of yesterday realized. Relax during this movement, and make the next one more concise..."

SWISH! SLASH!

"In other words, like this."

"I see! Ah, I think I'm beginning to understand. This could apply to other movements, not just this one. Give me a moment. So, from here, like this. Aha!"

Blue Spear was both Najin's teacher and his student. Each was student and teacher to the other. And so the days passed, one after another.

"Well then, Najin?"

A farewell they had exchanged more times than they could count.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

With that farewell, Blue Spear closed his eyes.

He had no doubt that tomorrow would come.

Neither did Najin. Slowly but surely, if they kept walking at this pace, Najin was certain they would soon reach a perfect ending.

"..."

But the next morning, Najin was forced to realize that it had been nothing more than his own delusion.

3.

When Blue Spear opened his eyes that day, he frowned at the diary beside him. As though he couldn't understand the words on its cover, he simply set it down.

He didn't read the diary.

Nor did he turn the hourglass.

He questioned Najin, who was sitting before him.

"Who are you?"

Not respectfully, but bluntly.

"Do you know me?"

He asked those questions as he looked at Najin with eyes so clear they were empty.

「There is nothing in this world that anyone should speak of with contempt. Everything in this world has value.」

「That is why I speak respectfully. To everything.」

「That much I remember without forgetting.」

The Blue Spear who had said those words was gone.

Only an unnamed man stood there, gazing at the desert with empty eyes. Only then did Najin notice the cracks in the body of the man before him.

It was erosion.

Blue Spear, who had remained untouched by erosion for three hundred years, was now, for some reason, rapidly eroding.