Chapter 204 - The One Who Forgot (6)

In the Outer Lands, there is a phenomenon called erosion.

It afflicts those who live beyond the human lifespan ordained by the world—those whom nature might regard as errors. They possess bodies that can endure eternity, but not minds capable of bearing it.

During his travels through the Outer Lands, Najin had seen many people suffering from erosion. Some had eroded completely, becoming the Lost or forgotten stars.

Schlein, Krünbel, Alderan...

Compared with them, there was something about Blue Spear that did not quite add up.

'Why hasn't Blue Spear eroded?'

Erosion comes when people can no longer be sure of themselves—when they lose their memories or stars, or when their convictions or achievements are denied. By that logic, Blue Spear should have become one of the Lost long ago.

Someone who lost every memory each day.

What could be more vulnerable to erosion than that?

Yet Blue Spear had remained untouched by erosion for over three hundred years. Though he lost his memories, he retained his sanity. That was why Najin had assumed he possessed some means of avoiding erosion, like Gerd, Yuel, or the Lighthouse Keeper.

'That's what I thought.'

Najin looked ahead.

Blue Spear stood there, staring at him with empty eyes. Even cracks—the marks of erosion—had appeared on his body.

"Who are you?"

Blue Spear had forgotten his convictions, and even how to read.

Why had erosion appeared only now? And so suddenly? Najin frowned and pressed firmly between his brows.

Because he thought he knew why.

This was not the first time. Najin had experienced the same situation with the Helmeted Knight. He, too, had been perfectly sound until, at a certain point, he began to erode rapidly. There was something those circumstances shared with the present ones.

Najin had learned something from them.

And there had been signs that their lingering attachments might be resolved.

Najin did not know precisely how that hastened erosion. He could only surmise that, much as parents might age rapidly after finishing raising their children, passing on what they possessed and thereby resolving their lingering attachments had some effect on erosion.

'Was I wrong? Did I choose the wrong approach?'

Najin was confused. The approach he had believed was right might have been wrong.

"That isn't for you to decide," said Merlin, who had remained silent until now.

"Wouldn't you have to ask the person himself to know?"

'But with Blue Spear like this...'

"Have you forgotten? You have a star that's perfect for times like this."

"Ah," Najin breathed.

Only then did he recall something he had forgotten. He closed his eyes and concentrated. His fifth star, shining in the sky above, responded to its owner's will.

The star of Funeral Rites.

Najin opened the hand that held the star of Funeral Rites. As its starlight washed over Blue Spear, a glimmer returned to his empty eyes. He gripped his temples and groaned, as though dizzy. After a moment, he looked at Najin with a frown.

"What is this... Who are you—no, forgive me. Who might you be?"

Blue Spear had begun speaking respectfully again.

Najin sighed in relief, but he knew it himself. The star of Funeral Rites could slow erosion or temporarily reverse it, but it could not do so forever.

He sensed it instinctively.

The moment of choice was approaching.

"First..."

Najin pointed the bewildered Blue Spear toward his diary.

"Read that diary, and then we can talk again."

Blue Spear nodded and turned over the hourglass. Sand was leaking from its already cracked surface.

2.

"I'm Najin. Najin, a free knight."

An introduction he had given who knew how many times.

"And this is a letter from your self of yesterday."

A letter sent from yesterday to today.

After conveying everything he needed to convey and talking briefly with Blue Spear, Najin fell silent. Ordinarily, they would have begun wielding their spears and preparing for tomorrow... but he could not do that now.

"..."

At the end of a long silence, Najin spoke.

"Blue Spear."

"Yes, Najin?"

"I'm learning your spear arts from you."

"I know. It's written in the diary, and it was included in the message yesterday's self asked you to pass on, wasn't it?"

"... Does that make you feel proud?"

"What an obvious question. I lose my memories every day, yet I can leave something behind. My life does not end today, but carries on into tomorrow. How could I not feel proud? I am grateful to you."

Blue Spear smiled as he spoke.

Najin could not smile.

Unable to decide how to say it, Najin's expression remained stiff. Seeing his face, Blue Spear smiled.

"Najin."

Both his smile and his voice were gentle. He spoke as though an adult soothing a child.

"As I said, I am grateful to you. I know you have spent a considerable amount of time on my behalf, and that you have worked hard. I do not take those efforts lightly. So it is all right."

"..."

"Speak freely. I will not resent you."

After a moment's deliberation, Najin spoke.

"My learning your spear arts, and everything I do to convey yesterday's words to your self of today, are hastening your erosion."

"What is erosion?"

"You lose even the very essence of who you are. Your body and soul crumble, and you become a monster."

Blue Spear rubbed his chin and nodded.

"Ah, like the way I addressed you so disrespectfully before I was exposed to the starlight?"

"... If you erode further, you will attack me to steal my stars. You'll become a beast that craves nothing else."

"Hmm. I certainly wouldn't like that."

Blue Spear frowned in apparent distaste. But that was all. He showed no sign of fear or reluctance. In a voice no different from usual, he asked,

"Then how much time do I have left?"

"If we keep doing the same things, I think perhaps three days is the limit."

"Three days. Three days, then."

After murmuring those words, Blue Spear grinned.

"That's enough. That much will do."

"... Enough?"

"Yes, enough. And Najin? You needn't worry about me. Still less do you need to wonder whether your approach was wrong."

He rose with his spear in hand.

"According to this diary, and according to what you've told me, I have spent at least three hundred years in this desert. Every day I lost my memories, wielding a spear whose meaning I did not even understand, dying one day and living another."

"In truth," Blue Spear added with a bitter smile,

"I don't know whether that can rightly be called 'living.' Though I don't know what my past self thought of it."

Blue Spear opened his diary wide for Najin. It was a page he had written since meeting him.

"It seems that after meeting you, I felt 'alive.' The sentences changed. Instead of merely listing objective facts, I began writing my own subjective thoughts."

The handwriting was not neat. The page was filled with words rewritten over and over, crossed out with double lines and written anew. Even without reading it, Najin could tell it brimmed with life.

"I am alive. I feel alive. I don't quite understand this erosion, but surely it can only come to someone who is alive? Just as people grow old and die."

"That's..."

"Now I understand why erosion, which never came for three hundred years, has come at this moment."

"In that case," Blue Spear said,

"I intend to regard this erosion as proof that I am alive. Not bad. Yes, not bad at all."

He smiled as he spoke, and it was a wonderfully unburdened smile. The sight of Blue Spear actually welcoming his erosion left Najin so incredulous that he let out a helpless laugh.

"Blue Spear."

Najin rose.

When the man himself spoke like that, Najin could not remain sitting there. He did what he needed to do, and what he could.

"There are two paths open to you."

"Yes? What are they?"

"One is for me to leave you now. Then you won't erode any further. The daily life you've repeated for three hundred years will continue."

"Then what is the other path?"

"For me to stay and learn your spear arts perfectly, resolving your lingering attachment."

"What will happen to me if it is resolved?"

"You will die. Probably."

Blue Spear looked Najin straight in the eye.

"May I ask you one question, Najin?"

"Anything."

"After learning my spear arts, where will you go? What will you accomplish? What is your goal?"

Najin answered.

He spoke of where he had begun and where he intended to reach. Listening to the story, which continued for some time, Blue Spear nodded with a satisfied smile.

"Then that settles it."

"Settles what?"

"I mean that I am satisfied. Though I cannot be certain. My past self surely..."

Blue Spear opened the diary in his hands. He seemed to be searching for something specific, but as he flipped through it, his fingers stopped. Then he gave a small chuckle and closed it.

"I am certain."

Then he said,

"I have lived to become nourishment for someone else. And now that I can imagine how beautiful the flower nourished by me will be... I think this."

A desert where nothing could be left behind.

In the heart of a desert where not even a blade of grass grew, Blue Spear had seen a flower bloom. Because he had seen that flower, he could say,

"It was worth it."

Blue Spear chose what he would leave behind.

"My heart tells me to choose the second path... but I don't think this is a choice I can make alone. I have my doubts, too."

"About what?"

"I resented my past self. I said otherwise, but in truth, I did resent him. I resented the self who cast me aside, who discarded my memories. But I don't want that to happen at the very end."

When Najin asked, "Then?" Blue Spear answered,

"Ask tomorrow's self, who will know nothing, the same question. This is my final letter."

3.

Sand flowed from the cracked hourglass. The escaping sand returned to the desert. As the grains imprisoned in the hourglass for three hundred years returned to the desert, night came, and then morning came again.

Day broke, and the dawn brightened.

As the desert lay in the half-light and the grains of sand glowed softly like starlight in the sun, he opened his eyes. They were empty. Remembering nothing, he looked ahead.

A young man sat before him.

"Who are you?" the man asked him. The young man responded, but did not answer what he had asked.

"You lose your memories every day. You remember nothing. This has continued for three hundred years."

The young man explained the man's circumstances and the life he had repeated. His explanation was not long. After selecting only the necessary information, he posed a question.

"There are two paths open to you."

Two paths. Two approaches.

After the young man explained each path, the man asked again,

"Who are you?"

"Najin. Najin, a free knight."

"I see. Najin."

After thinking for a moment, he spoke.

"I don't know what my past self thought. I don't know myself. But there is one thing I do know."

Then he smiled.

"I don't think that eternal life has any value. That isn't living, even if you are alive. It's dying. In that case, I want to live, even if only for a single day."

Life.

"Did you say you were my student?"

"I learned your spear arts from you."

"Then promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

"That you will use me as a stepping stone to climb higher."

At that answer, Najin could not help laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

"It would be quicker to ask yourself."

Najin took hold of the star of Funeral Rites. As Blue Spear recalled his convictions, he could not help realizing why Najin had laughed. After reading his diary and hearing what had happened, Blue Spear laughed aloud.

"It seems that even after losing my memories completely, even after forgetting my convictions, my thoughts remained the same?"

"You really are a consistent man."

"No wonder you laughed. Well, we haven't much time, so let's get started at once."

"With what?"

"What else?"

The man who had chosen to be Blue Spear took up his spear.

"Our daily routine. We can't skip that."

In the heart of the desert, Blue Spear wielded his spear. Even as the wind stirred the sand, the traces of his swings did not disappear. Nor did the footprints he left in the desert.

Because someone followed him.

Najin wielded his spear after Blue Spear. He walked behind him as Blue Spear went ahead. And then, as the sun began to set...

TAP.

Najin and Blue Spear stood in the same place.

"Najin."

Blue Spear offered what would be his final farewell.

"I'll see you tomorrow."