Chapter 110 - The Way She Loves (2)

2

And Raviel Ivansia tightened her grip. To kill the man. To infect him with an eternal wound.

"Urgh, kh, ngh...!"

The man writhed. Raviel Ivansia's sword plunged deeper still into his heart. He screamed in agony. His scream tore through the space where only the two of them remained.

'I don't want to kill him.'

Raviel Ivansia bit her lip.

'I don't want to lose him.'

Yet contrary to those wishes, she drove the blade in harder and harder. Every sensation was vivid in her hand. Those sensations. His chest being torn open. The flesh within being sliced apart. His heart being pierced, endlessly spewing blood.

All of it became Raviel Ivansia's wound.

'More.'

Harder. To engrave this very moment as her trauma from now on. So that someday, though she did not know when, the man she loved would glimpse this scene.

And so, just as the man was about to cough up blood, Raviel Ivansia stole his lips.

"...!"

A breath rank with blood flowed from his heart into her mouth. It was red and sticky. This was her man's warmth. This was her man's blood. This was her man's heart.

She sealed his mouth so that not a single drop would escape.

"..."

The man was dying.

Raviel Ivansia did not blink. She did not miss even an instant of the man she loved dying. Each moment his face grew paler, his tremors weaker, his breath fainter became agony for her.

She did not want to lose him.

She wanted to scream at the world at the top of her lungs.

She did not want to lose this man.

What if this moment failed to imprint itself as trauma? What if her entire plan came to nothing? Then she would forget him, and he would lose her. Nothing would remain.

Raviel Ivansia was afraid.

'More.'

For someone like her, fearing anything was a disgrace. An insult. Yet she endlessly revisited those frightening scenes. Those dreadful imaginings. She deliberately gouged her wound deeper.

Him failing to persuade the Tower.

Herself forgetting him and living as she once had.

The two of them passing each other indifferently in a corridor.

She layered wound upon wound.

"..."

And Raviel Ivansia saw it. His death.

"..."

Raviel Ivansia understood. This was time left over, like a residue. A brief reprieve before the man regressed. Probably, in only a few seconds, he would regress. She, too, would be swept into his time and regress with him.

Only a few seconds. A mere few seconds.

Yet those few seconds felt like eternity to Raviel Ivansia.

Slowly, she drew her lips away.

"Gongja?"

No answer.

"Gongja."

Ah.

At that very moment, Raviel Ivansia knew. Yes. This final sight, the absence of an answer.

His gaze, which had lost its direction. His lips, stilled as though they had forgotten how to form a voice. These made this moment a trauma she could never wash away.

Everything became clear.

Never had she left herself a scar more terrible than this.

"..."

Raviel Ivansia embraced him. She held his body in her arms. Only a few seconds remained. She spent that last interval, those final moments, holding him.

I believe.

[Trauma recreation complete.]

Just as I believe in you, you will believe in me.

Gongja.

[Confirmed that the subject's sense of self remains intact.]

And so we can wait for each other.

[Ending the penalty.]

We will.

[Your current immersion rate is 98%.]

* * *

Strangely, it was difficult to open my eyes.

"Butler?"

Lady Golden Silk Blossom, seated opposite me, looked startled. It was odd. Her face, which always seemed to shine brightly, looked blurry today.

"What's wrong? Why are you suddenly acting like this?"

"Pardon?"

"You're crying."

Only then did I realize I was crying. I was startled. Until a moment ago, Lady Golden Silk Blossom and I had been chatting together.

I had merely blinked for an instant.

In that fleeting moment, tears had begun to flow.

"Ah...?"

And they would not readily stop.

"B-Butler? You're scaring me a little. There aren't many things that frighten me, but this is a little frightening, you know? Why did you suddenly start crying while talking to me? D-did I do something strange again?"

"No... it's... I don't really know myself."

"You're crying for no reason? Have you lost your mind? Oh! You're really bawling your eyes out... Wh-what do I do? This is the first time my butler has cried like this since I beat the crap out of him when he was five..."

"You really will bring that up for the rest of my life, won't you? My lady, please try to forget it."

"But even if I forget beating the crap out of you at five, I beat the crap out of you at six, and at seven, and all the way until you were fourteen. In fact, I still beat the crap out of you now and then. If I forgot all of that, wouldn't I have amnesia? Honestly, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that your life has been one long succession of getting the crap beaten out of you by me."

Amnesia.

"..."

"Eek, I thought you'd stopped crying a little, so why are you bawling again? I'm sorry! I'm sorry all I've done is beat the crap out of you! I won't hit you anymore. And when I do, I'll make it a little less humiliating. Will that do?"

"I think I may have had a nightmare, my lady..."

"What? A nightmare? Was I caught by a monster and torn to death?"

"No. A woman was looking at me and crying endlessly... I wanted to wipe away her tears, but I couldn't, and it made me terribly sad."

"I see."

Lady Golden Silk Blossom wore an expression of profound understanding.

"That woman was me."

"It most certainly was not you... You could never wear such a sorrowful, noble expression. You have an inherently different air..."

"Ah. Shall I just hit you?"

Lady Golden Silk Blossom glared at me through narrowed eyes. Ordinarily, this was when I would bow my head and say, "I'm sorry," and she would reply, with a look of resignation, "Being so generous, I shall forgive you."

But I rose from my chair.

"Butler?"

"I have somewhere to go. I'll be back shortly."

"Huh? Where, at this hour? I was about to tell you that I've arranged to have dinner with His Highness the Crown Prince tomorrow. I was excited to brag about it. You have a duty to listen to me brag, Butler."

I bowed.

"I'm sorry, my lady. But there is somewhere I absolutely must go."

"..."

Lady Golden Silk Blossom narrowed her eyes with a thoughtful hum. Resting her hand on the chair's armrest, she studied my face.

"Very well. Even you have a head, and if you have a head, you must have thoughts. But don't come back empty-handed, all right? You'll have to stop by the kitchen and steal a muffin or something."

"Tomorrow, the crown prince will give you a blue coral ring."

Lady Golden Silk Blossom blinked.

"What?"

"I'll be going now."

I walked out.

Behind me, she shouted, "Butler! Is what you just said true?" But I ignored her. "Wait, at least answer before you leave! Butler, you fucking bastard!"

She had grown much better behaved since coming to Sormwin Academy, but at heart she was still the neighborhood ringleader. The same girl who used to go around beating up the children back home.

'My master.'

I quickened my pace.

This should have been my first time taking this path, yet my steps were familiar.

'It's as though I've walked this very path before.'

The gate to Lady Silver Lily's residence stood open. There were no guards, either. I ought to have found it strange, but all I thought was, "Somehow, I expected that." Without hesitation, I crossed the garden.

A corridor.

"You have come."

A single point of moonlight.

"... Were you waiting for me?"

"Yes. Today is the [second time]."

A question and answer without context. An incomprehensible conversation caressed the night air. Lady Silver Lily smiled, a full-length mirror behind her.

"Look into the mirror."

"..."

"What do you see?"

+

■■: ■■■

■■■: ■■

■■ ■■: [Mu■], [■■s], [■■], [■■]

■■ ■■: ■■

■■ ■■■: [Master], [Lover], [■■■ ■■], [■■■], [■■■], [■■child], [■■], [■■■ ■■■ ■ ■■ ■], [■■■■ ■■■■ ■], [■■ ■■■■ ■]

+

"... I can see the words 'master' and 'lover.' 'Child,' too. I think I can see little fragments of other words, but it's difficult to make sense of them."

"Address me."

"D..."

I was about to call her "Lady Ducal Heir," but closed my mouth.

Even though that was the most respectful form of address I could use for Raviel Ivansia.

["Never call me ducal heir with those lips again."]

["I will cut out your heart and kill you."]

A conversation I had never had came to mind. It was exactly like glimpsing a dream of a previous life.

I was confused. I felt that, whatever happened, I must not call her ducal heir.

"... My lady."

"Much better."

Lady Silver Lily approached me. Her red eyes looked at me. She merely looked, her lips firmly closed.

["What did you dream?"]

Yet I felt as though she were speaking to me. As though her closed lips were moving. It was too intense to be a hallucination, too distinct to be an imagined voice.

"You were... crying, my lady."

["And?"]

"You kept calling someone. There was a man tied up in front of you... I think you were calling to him. But I don't remember his name."

["And?"]

"You were in anguish as you stabbed that man with a sword."

It was strange.

Why was I talking endlessly to someone who stood there in silence? Why was Lady Silver Lily quietly listening to me?

It was truly strange.

Strangest of all was that my heart did not find any of this awkward.

"Well done."

Lady Silver Lily stroked my head. "Well done." The resonance of those words sank deep into my chest. "Well done." It felt as though I had heard those words somewhere long ago, before I had even been born into this world.

As though I had smelled a blue fragrance.

"Look."

Lady Silver Lily took something out from within her clothes.

It was a card.

"... What is it?"

"Proof of the effort you made for me. You may be proud of yourself."

Closely packed letters were engraved on the golden card.

+

[A Regressor's Love]

Rank: EX

Effect: To a regressor, love is like poison. No matter how desperately they struggle, they cannot share time with the one they love. And so one regressor made a wish. 'Please protect my lover's memories.' That wish reached the Tower and was granted.

You share a timeline with your beloved. If your beloved goes back one day, you also go back one day. If you go back one day, your beloved also goes back one day. This is a pledge of rings. This is a marriage of time.

May good fortune be with you both.

※However, this activates only while you and your beloved love each other.

+

"..."

For some reason, I was at a loss for words.

"Asking them to protect your lover's time..."

Lady Silver Lily laughed softly.

"Receiving a proposal this way only puts me in a difficult position. I love your voice. Do you understand? Unless you say it to me yourself, I will not listen. So, my love, come back to me soon."

Something churned in my chest.

"I will kill you. As many times as it takes. Until you return, if showing you my wound can bring you back, I will show it to you again and again, for as long as it takes."

"My lady..."

"So glimpse my wound and suffer. Look at the scar you left me. Look at it again and again. There, you will find the traces of yourself."

Lady Silver Lily reached out with both hands and clasped my neck.

"You are the only person in this world who can kill me."

Gently.

"And know that I am the only person who can kill you."

And I saw.

[You have died.]

[Recreating the trauma of the enemy who killed you.]

I saw, and saw again.

[Your current immersion rate is 97%.]

I saw Lady Silver Lily crying.

I saw her kill a man, over and over.

Each time I went back a day, I lived within her dream.

[You have died.]

[Your current immersion rate is 96%.]

We had loved in our previous life.

[You have died.]

[Your current immersion rate is 95%.]

And we would come to love in this life, too.

Perhaps even in the next.

[Your current immersion rate is 94%.]

[Your current immersion rate is 93%.]

[Your current immersion rate is 92%.]

That I had wounded you. That where I could not see, in the time when I could not be there for you, you had shed tears. You had cried without a sound.

If I did not let those things slip into oblivion.

If I remembered, without forgetting.

[Your current immersion rate is 91%.]

We could love forever.

[Your current immersion rate is 90%.]

And.

And.

And.

And I go to you.

Opening the door. Crossing the garden. Running down the corridor.

You were born the legitimate daughter of House Ivansia. With a sorrowful mother, you came to live a sorrowful life. Your betrothed had been chosen before you were born, and after your birth, you devoted your life solely to him.

You were a white flower.

You were called the moon of Ivansia, and the ducal heir, and, more briefly, the duke's daughter.

"You have come."

"..."

You stand in the corridor. Standing in that dark nighttime corridor, you were like an island alone in the middle of a night sea. An endless sea surrounded you. I listened in on its waves.

Not the ducal heir of Ivansia, not the duke's young lady, nor, more briefly, the duke's daughter.

"Raviel."

The white flower smiles.

"I have been waiting, Gongja."

I.

I love you.