Chapter 93 - Falling (3)

5

Rule 3 of Romantic Fantasy

『Do you wish to nurture the love between two people? First, make them hate each other.』

『Hatred is lightning. Affection is thunder. Once the lightning of hatred blinds their eyes, the thunder of affection begins to rumble.』

6

"Are you well?"

On the way to classes at Sormwin Academy.

"Yes, I slept ever so soundly. Did you have a peaceful night as well, my fellow student?"

"Indeed, thank you. Perhaps it was my lovely dream, but I feel quite refreshed. I intend to have two slices of toast this morning."

"Oh, I simply must hear about this dream. Shall we dine together?"

"My, what a wonderful suggestion!"

"Heehee."

The students exchanged smiles and quaintly refined greetings. Amid the white magnolias blooming along the path to class, a chatter of "My!" and "Heehee" flowed past.

Peace. Tranquility.

Even baby birds gathered in a chorus could not have been more peaceful. Even a garden of tulips in full bloom could not have been more tranquil. The sight alone cleansed the heart. Here was a moment that sparkled like a diamond.

"Ah, Lady Golden Silk Blossom. Are you well?"

And a diamond was merely a prettier piece of coal.

Set it alight, and it burned fucking well.

"No! I am not well at all!"

"Huh?"

The Inquisitor beamed at the young lady who had greeted him.

"How could I possibly be at peace? Some assassin bastards attacked me last night, and I nearly fucking died. I'm already upset because I couldn't sleep all night, and you ask if I'm at peace! Do you have a brain?"

"Pardon?"

"No, of course you don't. If you had a brain, you wouldn't greet someone who might have died last night by asking, 'Are you well?' Ahaha! It isn't me who needs to be well—it's your head! Is your head well? Is your skull safe? Is your brain doing all right?"

"Ye...s? What?"

"Ah! Goodness, your brain must have gone sour and twisted your tongue. It's all right. I understand! A sound mind dwells in a sound body. How could your mind be sound when your head is broken? Hurry along to the infirmary. In other words, get the hell out of my sight!"

"... Ah, ah...?"

She swayed.

The young lady staggered, then fainted. Luckily, her servant caught her; otherwise she would have tumbled onto the path. The students, who had been exchanging warm morning greetings as on any ordinary day, screamed.

"Lady White Orchid, the viscount's daughter! Are you all right?"

"Heavens! She's so pale..."

"Everyone, fetch the infirmary physician at once!"

"Breathe! Can you hear me?! You must breathe!"

"Lady Golden Silk Blossom! Wh-what did you just say...!"

A hubbub rose.

The baby birds singing of peace had all flown away, and a bomb had dropped on the tulip garden basking in tranquility. The diamond had burst into flames. Even as the noble young ladies deftly tended to their unconscious classmate, they could not conceal their horror.

The Inquisitor smiled brightly.

"What's all the fuss? Someone tactlessly asked whether I was well, and I merely asked whether her head was well in return!"

A young lady nearby opened and closed her mouth.

"Her h-head... was well...?"

"Ah. Your hair is red. Such splendid red hair! Has your skull cracked and let a little of your brain leak out, by any chance? Aha! Your already pitiful intelligence is in danger of declining further. Hurry and scoop it back in!"

"Ah..."

She swayed.

"My lady!"

"Aah! Lady Plum Blossom, the count's daughter!"

"Is the infirmary physician still not here?!"

"That salary-stealing bastard!"

"Someone fetch some drinking water!"

"Guards! Guards!"

Chaos had arrived. It was truly an apocalyptic sight. This apocalypse had not yet met its end, but at least the path to classes at Sormwin Academy was being merrily devastated.

"Ahaha."

Having single-handedly laid waste to everything within a twenty-meter radius, the Inquisitor grinned with a face utterly free of malice. There were dark circles under his eyes from the all-night crash course, though.

"Death King, this is wonderful! My immersion isn't increasing at all!"

You're pretty wonderful yourself.

The effects of the Flame Emperor's one-on-one tutoring were astounding.

"I shall continue putting my complete trust in you! Your ingenious plans truly are dependable, Death King!"

I bowed at a suitably butler-like angle.

"Thank you for the compliment, my lady."

"You're most welcome! By the way, is stepping on my foot right now another way of preventing my immersion rate from rising? My big toe hurts a little."

"It's unavoidable if I'm going to play a delinquent butler. Bear with it."

"I understand!"

That morning, a total of fourteen young ladies were admitted to the academy infirmary.

Word of the incident on the path outside the girls' dormitory spread throughout the school in an instant.

It became known as the [Is Your Head Well] incident.

7

The dining hall, the main building, the garden.

Everywhere we went, students were whispering about the incident.

『Lady Golden Silk Blossom, the baron's daughter, has lost her mind.』

『She's been a different person since yesterday's attack.』

『A demon has possessed her.』

『Two young ladies and one young gentleman who doubted the rumors and bravely set out to uncover the truth have yet to return.』

『Isn't she more attractive now, though?』

『So who ordered Lady Golden Silk Blossom's assassination?』

『Sormwin's unofficial club, the Little Siblings of All Big Sisters Society (LiSABiSS), welcomes the current changes. We call upon our fellow Sormwin students to change their perceptions.』

『Her butler was seen serving her black tea mixed with salt. There are many witnesses.』

『Dangerous.』

『Assassination.』

『I hear His Highness the Crown Prince is handling the situation.』

『She's lost her mind.』

『This is driving me crazy.』

『Moderate salt intake is good for your health... Is salt in black tea a wellness practice?』

『Big Sister Golden Silk Blossom.』

The rumors grew like an avalanche, turning into horror stories.

"Lady Golden Silk Blossom! You have insulted my mistress's honor!"

But however monstrous the rumors had become, it was a fact that fourteen young ladies had fainted. Naturally, their servants could not help being furious.

They could hardly attack a noble young lady, but they were perfectly free to challenge me, a fellow servant, to a duel. By lunchtime, the enraged servants were lining up to come at me.

"For my mistress's honor and her family's name, I cannot let this pass. Please permit me to duel your attendant!"

"Oh."

The Inquisitor nodded.

"Understood! Settle this amicably among yourselves—"

"One moment."

I covertly stepped on his foot. The Inquisitor yelped.

"What's the matter?"

"Once you've committed to this act, you have to stay a delinquent young lady to the end. Don't just take what people say at face value. That's not delinquent enough."

"Ah, I see. Quite right. Then what should I do to suit the role?"

"Try doing as I say."

Whispers passed back and forth between us. The servants who had requested duels merely stared at us in bewilderment. A moment later, the Inquisitor spoke with the look of someone who had discovered the truth.

"Very well! You may duel my attendant as you wish."

"Ah, thank you for granting permission. Then, right here and now—"

"However! If you want to duel him, pay me!"

The servants blinked.

"... Pardon?"

"I'm saying that if you want something from me, you must pay for it."

The Inquisitor sat on a garden bench and crossed his legs. His smiling face radiated presence. If any little children saw him now, they would probably blurt out "Big Sister!" automatically.

"My butler belongs to my family. Since I'm the only member of my family at this academy, he belongs to me as well. What will you do if my property is damaged during a duel? Will you take responsibility?"

"Uh, uhhh..."

The noble households' attendants were flustered. Demanding money for a sacred duel? Wasn't that an utterly thuggish thing to say?

"H-how much should we give you?"

"I'll let you off with five gold coins!"

"..."

"Aha."

The Inquisitor delivered the final line just as I had taught him.

"Surely, gentlemen, your loyalty to your mistresses is worth more than a paltry five gold coins?"

"..."

The servants began fumbling for their gold coins. Watching them, I felt a little sorry for them. Some looked close to tears.

Their faces were troubled by the question of whether buying a duel for their mistresses was truly honorable. Their expressions said, Is this really right?

But there was no taking it back now. Once one or two began handing over gold coins, the other servants followed suit.

"H-here you are, my lady."

"Yes!"

"Mine as well..."

"Yes. Received with thanks!"

"Um, my apologies. I only have silver coins on me at present. Would you accept smaller change...?"

"I'll accept it all!"

The Inquisitor diligently shook down the servants. Any elegance befitting a young lady bestowed with an epithet by the emperor vanished without a trace beneath the jingling of coins.

An attendant takes after his master.

"Hmm."

I, too, worked my neck up, down, left, and right like a thug.

More than ten servants were staring awkwardly at me.

"I'm just asking on the off chance."

"Wh-what is it?"

I lifted my holy sword, still in its scabbard.

"Has anyone here ever gone hungry for more than a week?"

The lively sounds of a beating rang through the garden. Feeling like a musician pounding on the drums, I knocked the servants down one after another. I beat the dust out of them.

"Agh!"

"Guh, urgh!"

The servants screamed as countless students watched. When I looked around, the students were staring at me in horror. Behind me, the Inquisitor hummed as he rolled coins around in his hands.

Screams, horror, jingling money.

The three melodies formed a perfect trinity.

"Syl—"

Just then, someone hurried through the watching students.

"Sylvia! What in the world is all this commotion?!"

The man who could be called the serving of instant noodles in this apocalyptic world. The crown prince.

The blond noodles were extremely flustered. Seeing his face, like noodles swollen into a soggy mess, filled my chest with satisfaction. Today, we were paying him back in full for the bewilderment he had made us feel last night.

"I heard rumors that you'd suddenly begun behaving strangely, but I assumed they were malicious nonsense as always. And now, toward your fellow students, what on earth... You!"

The crown prince glared at me as he muttered in dismay. Hmm. For noodle broth with rice stirred into it, he had quite a murderous glare.

"What are you doing?! When your mistress is fatigued, her attendant should do everything in his power to restrain her! Yet here you are, sword in hand, acting recklessly yourself. You're a third-rate butler and unfit even to be a servant! Unfit!"

"My apologies, Your Highness."

I fastened the holy sword at my waist and bowed my head.

"I accept judgment from no one but my lady. If she judges me third-rate, then I am a third-rate butler. If she declares me unfit, then I shall step down. Until she does, however, I shall remain her faithful butler."

"You... After causing such needless turmoil, you shamelessly..."

The crown prince's lips moved, but he fell silent. Then he shook his head. Had he decided there was no point exchanging words with a servant like me?

"Sylvia, haven't I told you time and again? You must not keep a man like that as your butler. The imperial household has several eunuch candidates whom we have taken great pains to train. If I ask His Majesty, I can bring you a capable one from among them. It's all right! Don't worry. My imperial father already regards you fondly."

Wow.

The watching students let out low exclamations. Here and there, young ladies wore dreamy expressions. The crown prince had just expressed his affection far too openly.

With tender sighs, they whispered among themselves.

"Whatever shall we do? His Highness the Crown Prince is engaged to Lady Silver Lily, the duke's daughter..."

"But that was merely a promise made before either of them was born, wasn't it? It's so long ago. There have been rumors for some time that His Majesty favors Lady Golden Silk Blossom, the baron's daughter, so perhaps..."

"Oh, whatever shall we do!"

Even as they lamented what was to be done, their eyes sparkled.

No scandal was hotter than an imperial romance.

They would be heartbroken to see their own family's diamond burn, but to watch someone else's—especially the most dazzling diamond in the empire—go up in flames, they would pay a fortune.

"Sylvia, what do you say?"

The crown prince approached and took the Inquisitor's wrist.

"Will you grant my heartfelt request?"

"..."

The Inquisitor looked at the crown prince.

Even I was tense at this moment.

Would the love of Lady Golden Silk Blossom, the [female lead], prove more intense? Or would the Inquisitor's sense of self, acting as a [delinquent young lady], prove stronger? I had done my utmost to support the latter, but ultimately, the one fighting this battle of the heart was the Inquisitor.

We could lose this contest.

"... Your Highness."

The Inquisitor slowly parted his lips.

"What perfume are you wearing today?"

"What?"

"Forgive me for saying so, but the scent is somewhat unfamiliar to me."

A radiant smile spread across the Inquisitor's face.

FLUTTER!

He smoothly slipped his wrist from the crown prince's grasp, then took out a fan and opened it. Above the fan, his half-lidded eyes blossomed into a smile.

"Have you discovered who was behind the assassins who attacked me yesterday?"

"N-no... The investigation is still underway."

"Had my butler not been beside me last night, I would probably have come to harm! If you care for me, Your Highness, I sincerely ask that you show my butler that same respect. Did he not protect my life on a smaller scale, and the academy's honor on a greater one?"

"..."

"Your Highness, I trust my butler above all others!"

That was the moment the noodles began to boil on the crown prince's face.

And with his fan spread wide, the Inquisitor laughed.

"Oh-hohohoho!"

It was the most romantic laugh in the world.