Chapter 97 - Your Heart (1)

1

“You look as though this is news to you,” Lady Silver Lily said.

“Did the constellation that sent you explain nothing? How unusual. When sending an apostle, a constellation would normally give them as much information as possible before they begin. Are you perhaps on bad terms with yours?”

“An apostle...?”

“You truly know nothing. Fascinating.”

Lady Silver Lily opened a drawer. An hourglass. It looked identical to the one she had just turned over. She lightly pressed the bell attached to her desk.

DING!

The office door opened.

“You called, my lady?”

“Another fifteen minutes. It may be extended further, so all of you relax and enjoy your break.”

“You must be enjoying your conversation. Shall I bring tea?”

“Mm. The Zerni tea.”

“Certainly.”

The gray-haired servant bowed and left.

I stood awkwardly, at a loss for what to say or how to say it. Lady Silver Lily raised the corners of her eyes slightly at the sight of me.

“It is all right. Stand at ease.”

She had not said to sit at ease.

“Which constellation sent you? Mutia? The Triangle Star? Hishimit Kritz? Lazarus? Psime? Hmm. Your face tells me you have never heard of any of them. Whose representative are you, exactly?”

“The Librarian of Myriad Thoughts...”

My head was spinning. I had sensed that the duke’s daughter before me was no ordinary person, but I had not expected this. The fact that I managed to remember the Librarian’s epithet, however belatedly, meant I was still clinging to my last shred of composure.

“No, the Shut-In Librarian sent me.”

“A library.”

Lady Silver Lily twirled her quill in her left hand.

“Shut-in... Ah, Hamustra?”

Hamustra.

A true name.

This woman knew a constellation’s real name.

“Did Hamustra explain nothing to you?”

“... The Librarian tries to interfere as little as possible with the apocalypses. Rather than give us information beforehand, the Librarian would want us to discover it ourselves.”

“Apocalypses?”

“Worlds whose barriers have collapsed because they have no constellation. ... That is what the Librarian calls worlds doomed to destruction.”

Lady Silver Lily narrowed her eyes in amusement. Her eyes were red, and narrowing them did nothing to soften her gaze. The very color of her gaze overwhelmed anyone who met it.

“Arrogant, as one would expect of a constellation. Giving someone else’s world whatever name they please. An apocalypse, is it...? Hmm. It is not wrong that this world will perish someday, but I will not surrender my soul so easily.”

I blinked.

“... Wait. You still look bewildered. Did you not possess the baron’s daughter Lady Golden Silk Blossom’s servant in pursuit of my soul?”

I shook my head. Now that really was news to me.

“...”

Lady Silver Lily closed her lips. Her eyes began to take on the look of someone observing a protected rare species. Still staring at me, she slid open a drawer and took something out. A third hourglass.

DING.

“You called, my lady? I have just brought the tea.”

“Take another fifteen minutes.”

“The youngsters will be very pleased today.”

The servant left.

Even as she sipped her black tea, Lady Silver Lily watched me over the rim of her cup.

“Now, the baron’s daughter’s butler.”

“Uh, please call me Kim Gongja. That is my real name.”

“No. How impudent. What makes you think you can have me address you by your real name? Blame yourself for possessing a butler instead of a noble.”

Hadn’t she been finding little ways to act haughty this entire time?

“At any rate, I understand that you are a completely blank slate. It seems you were not even given a [strategy guide].”

What was a strategy guide supposed to be?

“Something like this.”

Lady Silver Lily took a sheet of paper from the drawer. Rounded cursive covered the A4-sized sheet.

+

1. Lady Silver Lily is sensitive to sunlight. Aim for evening or nighttime dates rather than daytime.

2. Lady Silver Lily has a dull sense of taste and likes strongly flavored food.

3. Lady Silver Lily likes white flowers. However, she has received so many lilies that she is tired of them. Keep this in mind when choosing gifts.

4. Lady Silver Lily is a pragmatist. She prefers discussions of politics, diplomacy, and money. Reciting romantic love poetry will get you nowhere, so keep that in mind.

.

.

.

10. Lady Silver Lily is a loyal subject. She may speak ill of the empire or the crown prince herself, but she will never tolerate anyone else doing so. Beware.

+

I was speechless. Holy shit. What was that?

“This is the strategy guide carried by the apostle who came to win me over in my sixth iteration. He was sent by a constellation called Mahos. He called it a [romance route].”

My mouth fell open.

“A r-romance route...”

“I found it so ridiculous that I poisoned him and took it,” Lady Silver Lily said matter-of-factly.

“As he died at my hands, he screamed, ["I followed the guide to the letter! Why won’t you fall for me?!"] As though he were the one who had been wronged. But I am the wronged party. How could there be a strategy guide to a human heart?”

[The Silver-Plated Heart voices her displeasure.]

“They take people so lightly. If they truly want to win my heart, they must approach me honestly and honorably. Yet they talk of strategy guides and romance routes. Rotten to their very roots, the lot of them.”

“Well... you’re right.”

“Someone who understands.”

Lady Silver Lily set down her teacup.

“There is a reason I thought highly of you. Not merely because you are clever, but because I could sense that you at least saw the people of my world as [human beings].”

“Y-you did? That seems like a given...”

“There were countless brutes who failed to meet even that obvious requirement. Beasts who did not regard people as people, yet were utterly certain of their own humanity. Filthy creatures.”

For a moment, I held my breath.

Seeing that, Lady Silver Lily rested a hand against her chin.

“Hmm?”

After a moment’s murmur, she nodded.

“I see.”

THUMP.

“Do those words mean something to you?”

THUMP.

“Have you, too, seen many such people? Or have you been looked upon that way yourself?”

THUMP.

“If neither, then perhaps someone dear to you said something similar...”

“My lady.”

I cut her off.

I could no longer bear the feeling that she was splitting open my chest, tearing out my ribs, and examining my exposed heart through a magnifying glass.

[The Silver-Plated Heart gazes at you.]

I could not let her keep control of the conversation any longer.

I said, “Yet even as you say that, did you not look down on me for possessing a commoner rather than a noble?”

Lady Silver Lily did not so much as blink.

“What, did my refusal to use your real name hurt your feelings that badly?”

“I am simply saying that you are in no position to act so superior either.”

“In no position to act superior. Just what I would expect from the delinquent butler who threw the academy into chaos.”

For some reason, her voice sounded pleased as she said it.

“But I will admit it is a valid criticism.”

“Then, shall we return to the matter at hand?” she added, coughing.

“Well, then?”

“Pardon?”

“I understand that you have no desire for my soul. Then what did you want badly enough to cross the boundary between worlds and come here? This is a world where the same ten days repeat forever.”

[The Silver-Plated Heart questions your true intentions.]

“Surely your constellation did not exile you here out of dislike. I have heard Hamustra is something of a moderate. But neither could you have come to spend a holiday or enjoy a retreat. Actor playing the butler of the baron’s daughter Lady Golden Silk Blossom, answer me.”

“I...”

“I will hear no lies. The moment you utter an answer containing even a speck of falsehood, whatever your goal may be, obtaining it from me will become impossible. I do not display my heart to those who will not first show me theirs.”

I considered my answer.

'I want to make your world our twenty-fifth floor.'

Did we truly need this particular stage? No. Choosing another stage would pose no real problem for our Tower.

'A fragment of my holy sword is in this world.'

Did I absolutely have to gather every fragment and complete the holy sword? No, not that either. Finding Sparkle’s sisters would make me, her owner, stronger, but put another way, I would simply become a little stronger.

“...”

A reason to remain on this stage now.

“... I’m told I don’t know love yet.”

“What?”

“Romantic feelings, I suppose you could call them. I know nothing about that sort of thing. You may not know this, my lady, but this world’s genres include [romance]. I think this is a suitable place to learn about love.”

When Master had fought her final sparring match, my attendant spirit had blocked her sword and shouted:

「Gongja here hasn’t tasted enough of the joys this world has to offer.」

「Did you know that, Cult Leader? This kid has never even loved anyone. Isn’t that ridiculous?! He’s never even been in a relationship!」

Those words had engraved themselves deep in my heart.

“If there’s something I lack, I want to learn it. No, I want to know it. Leaving it unknown feels unfair. It wouldn’t feel as though I’d lived a full one hundred percent of my life.”

Lady Silver Lily studied my face. Perhaps it was only my imagination, but there seemed to be a hint of bewilderment in her red eyes.

“So you are saying you want to learn about love?”

“Yes.”

“From me?”

“That... I’m not sure.”

“Explain.”

I gathered my thoughts.

“To be precise, it is closer to wanting to learn about love in this ‘world.’”

“The world.”

“Yes. I want to know what I lack. I want to feel it.”

“Then why come to me? Would it not be quicker to go to your mistress, Golden Silk Blossom?”

The Inquisitor.

Lady Golden Silk Blossom.

“I can’t.”

“Why? Do you dislike the person possessing her?”

“It isn’t a matter of liking or disliking. That person...”

["If I, too, were like you..."] that person had said.

Had once said.

“That person is even less experienced than I am.”

“...”

“If I am going to learn, I should learn from someone who knows more.”

Lady Silver Lily took a sip of tea. A brief silence followed.

“True. This iteration’s Golden Silk Blossom does not seem suited to teaching anyone about love. If anything, she seems to need instruction herself.”

“Yes.”

“But that still gives you no reason to come to me.”

“There is a reason.”

I spoke firmly, holding in my mind the thoughts I had had in the dungeon.

“I want to understand you.”

Lady Silver Lily seemed not to have expected those words. A few drops of tea splashed onto the front of her dress.

She blinked, then said, “You want to understand me...?”

“Yes. I don’t yet know whether it is for the crown prince or for the empire, but you have devoted your life to your loyalty. I wonder how you can do that. I want to know what you feel, what is in your heart. If love is the reason, I want to experience those feelings too, as you do.”

“...”

“It’s a little embarrassing, and I feel shy about saying it. But that is my honest answer.”

Lady Silver Lily remained silent for a while.

“This...”

Now I could see it clearly.

“...is truly something I have never encountered before.”

Lady Silver Lily was flustered.

“You want to know love. That alone shows you do not know how frightening people can be. And beyond that, you want to understand me? You must not speak lightly of understanding. It is a word that can poison a person. Understanding is no different from responsibility. And yet...”

“Librarian.”

I raised my head and looked up into empty air. Of course, the Librarian was not there.

But the Librarian would be listening to our conversation, and the Tower’s hunters would be watching.

“Please stop the broadcast for a moment.”

The air in the office was still.

“There is something I want to tell Lady Silver Lily alone.”

A moment later, a voice answered my request.

[The Shut-In Librarian gladly accepts your request.]

[You are permitted a ‘scene skip’ for ten minutes.]

Okay.

I looked back at Lady Silver Lily and spoke.

“I am a regressor too.”

“But my regression works a little differently from yours, my lady.”

“How is it different?”

“You said that you repeat the last ten days of your life. When I die, I return to the day before.”

“...”

“And it isn’t just an ordinary return. If someone kills me, I can glimpse that person’s trauma.”

“Trauma?”

“Yes.”

My voice flowed softly through the office.

“I see the wounds, memories, and scenes people keep deepest in their hearts. If their wound is the destruction of something precious, I see the memory of that destruction.”

I did not need to choose my words carefully. Simply by opening my mouth, by letting my tongue move, the words I wanted to convey came flowing out of their own accord.

As I told Lady Silver Lily my secret, I suddenly realized something.

“So I can understand other people a little more [easily].”

I...

I had wanted to tell someone my story.

Someone in the same situation. Someone who lived a life like mine.

“...”

Lady Silver Lily was quiet. The longer I spoke, the calmer her eyes became. I could feel that she was listening seriously.

“It is a kind of skill. An ability. I’m afraid I’ll grow accustomed to understanding others easily. One of the people I trust most told me, ["Never grow accustomed to your skills."] But...”

“And yet.”

“If I am the only one doing the understanding...”

“Then it would not be understanding.”

“But I can’t leave people alone either. Because...”

“If even I give up, they will wither, twist, and die.”

“...”

“Even if it is nothing more than hypocrisy, I want them to know that I am here, that I am holding this place while thinking of them. How blessed is a life in which even that is possible. Is it not?”

My throat caught for a moment.

“... Yes.”

“Foolish.”

Lady Silver Lily closed her eyes.

“Understanding lasts but an instant, while responsibility is eternal.”

“You are volunteering to enter hell.”

After murmuring those words, Lady Silver Lily fell silent.

[The Shut-In Librarian announces the end of the ‘scene skip’.]

The duke’s daughter opened her eyes.

“Very well, servant of the baron’s daughter Lady Golden Silk Blossom.”

She took hold of one of the hourglasses she had turned over on her desk. Looking down at the grains of sand sliding through the glass, Lady Silver Lily spoke quietly.

“I shall teach you love.”