Chapter 98 - Your Heart (2)

"On one condition," Lady Silver Lily said.

"For one week starting today, until the world ends, you must serve as my personal servant rather than the butler of the baron's daughter, Lady Golden Silk Blossom."

"Your personal servant, my lady...?"

"Yes. I know only my own love; I have never taught anyone else how to love. My only option is to show you, without concealment, what I am like when I love. So must you not stay beside me, watch closely, and learn well? Watch and learn."

"..."

"Now that I say it aloud, I feel as though I am getting the worse end of this bargain. No, I certainly am. Am I not exposing my embarrassing private life? Consider this the good fortune of three lifetimes—your past, present, and future lives combined, commoner."

What a truly haughty noblewoman.

2

The next day, my life under two contracts began. I now served not only Lady Golden Silk Blossom, but Lady Silver Lily as well.

"Hmm, you are here?"

"Yes."

Lady Silver Lily received me in her dressing room. It was five in the morning, and she was already awake. Four attendants clustered around her at once, grooming her. Ordinarily, setting foot in a lady's toilette, or dressing room, was a grave breach of etiquette, but Lady Silver Lily herself dismissed the issue with, "What a nuisance. Never mind that."

As soon as I entered, she spoke.

"Show him."

"Yes, my lady."

A servant with graying hair smartly produced a board. It was decorated with lilies, and a sentence was written on it in elegant cursive.

+

LESSON 1. (Basics)

Love Begins by Experiencing a Son of a Bitch.

+

"..."

"I considered it last night. What method should I choose to teach you love? I do not have enough leisure to devote all my attention to you, nor can I find your first love for you. Is that not so?"

While I stood there dumbfounded, at a loss for words, Lady Silver Lily spoke calmly. Around her, attendants trimmed the nails of her right hand, their faces as expressionless as their mistress's.

"So I decided to teach you, step by step, the truths you ought to know beforehand. Now, repeat after me. Love begins by experiencing a son of a bitch."

"L-love begins by experiencing a son of a bitch...?"

"Correct. A son of a bitch. Perhaps even several sons of bitches."

Lady Silver Lily took out a fan with her left hand.

FLUTTER!

It opened with a crisp, clear sound. The duke's daughter hid the lower half of her face behind it.

"Somewhere in this world, there are lovers whose first love is a perfect match. There must be. Lovers who know how to care for and love each other from the very beginning, who share a romantic love from the moment they fall at first sight until they are buried in their coffins. But that will not be you."

"..."

"There is a ninety-nine percent chance that your lover will be a son of a bitch. Even if they are not one right away, they will become one someday. Why? It is simple. It is almost impossible for a human being to go an entire year without being a son of a bitch. By the same reasoning..."

FLUTTER.

Lady Silver Lily closed her fan and pointed it at the graying servant. As though he had prepared for this long ago, he impassively flipped the board over. There was a sentence on its reverse as well.

+

LESSON 1. (Advanced)

You Are a Son of a Bitch Too.

+

"You, too, are very likely a son of a bitch."

"..."

"But do not be overly pessimistic. Humans are creatures of experience. Someone who has suffered at a son of a bitch's hands can learn never to suffer that way again. Someone who has been a son of a bitch to another person can avoid being one next time. You learn [what makes someone a son of a bitch], [when I become a son of a bitch], and [how to avoid becoming a son of a bitch]."

My mind went blank.

"C-can't you get it right from the start?"

"Butler."

Lady Silver Lily was expressionless.

"Do not expect anything of humans."

"..."

"Humans forget what they have said. They make resolutions, then give up. Forgetting and giving up. Know these two phrases as the fundamental laws of romance. If you truly wish to love well, you must learn the exact opposite: how to [remember] and how to [resolve]."

"R-remembering and resolving are things you have to learn too?"

"You really are a child..."

Lady Silver Lily sighed. What? What had I done wrong? I honestly had no idea.

"Seeing once is better than hearing a hundred times. I shall show you myself."

Show me herself? How?

"Do you still not understand, even after seeing it with your own eyes?"

Lady Silver Lily rose from her chair. The attendants who had been clinging to her like kittens all stepped back. Flanked by her servants, she declared with confidence,

"I am the one who loves the greatest son of a bitch in all the world."

Uh. Why was that so cool?

"Let us go."

Lady Silver Lily walked off, and I followed. The servants, too, hurried along behind us. For some reason, they were carrying buckets of water.

We arrived at the academy's most lavish residence—the crown prince's quarters.

"L-Lady, daughter of the duke..."

The crown prince's attendants greeted us in bewilderment. Intimidated, perhaps? No ducal house could possibly outrank the imperial family, yet oddly enough, they seemed unable to raise their heads before Lady Silver Lily.

"H-have you eaten?"

"I have."

"But it is not even light yet..."

"Has His Highness the Crown Prince risen? A sovereign's morning should always begin before his people's."

"Well..."

"I suppose he has not. Show me in."

The crown prince's attendant trembled.

"H-His Highness gave us strict orders..."

"What strict orders? No, I can guess. He must have told you never to admit me when I visit. Is that correct?"

"I am most sorry to say..."

"When His Majesty sent the heir to the throne to this academy, he summoned me especially. He commanded me, ["The heir leads an indolent life and may become unruly. As his fiancée, you must take the trouble to look after him."] I tend to His Highness at His Majesty's command. You are an attendant of the imperial household, are you not? Tell me. Are you His Highness's servant, or His Majesty the Emperor's subject?"

"M-my lady..."

"You dare refuse His Majesty's imperial command merely because you are His Highness's servants? His Majesty will be most delighted to hear of this."

The matter was settled in a minute. Not a single servant dispatched from the imperial palace barred Lady Silver Lily's way. She crossed the garden, passed through the lobby, and finally reached the crown prince's bedroom.

"Your Highness."

Three knocks.

"Have you risen?"

"Do not come in!"

"You have risen, then. I shall enter."

As though it were only natural, Lady Silver Lily took out a key and unlocked the door.

CLICK.

The crown prince's bedroom opened to welcome us, though its actual occupant was shivering on the bed.

"Eek?"

"Your Highness, dawn has broken, yet you still lie in bed. This will not do. His Majesty rises at four every morning to attend to the empire's affairs. How can the heir who must one day carry on his great work be more indolent than he?"

"Attend me! Is no one there? Someone, help me..."

"Close the door."

THUD.

The door shut. Not a single imperial attendant was in the bedroom. Only Lady Silver Lily's retainers stood in expressionless ranks. The crown prince's shoulders began trembling even worse.

Lady Silver Lily parted her lips.

"Butler."

"Y-yes."

"I shall impart your second lesson."

She indicated the graying servant with her chin. He raised a cardboard sign he had prepared beforehand.

+

LESSON 2. (Basics)

If You Cannot Avoid a Son of a Bitch, Enjoy It.

+

"E-enjoy it...?"

"Someday, you too will love. And your first love will be a son of a bitch. My advice to you is this: if that is going to happen anyway, you might as well enjoy it."

Lady Silver Lily snapped her fingers.

"And there is only one way to enjoy being with a son of a bitch."

The graying servant deftly flipped the board over.

+

LESSON 2. (Advanced)

Be an Even Bigger Son of a Bitch Than Your Partner.

+

SPLASH!

The servants lifted their buckets and hurled water onto the bed. This very moment was why they had carried those buckets all the way here. "Aagh!" The drenched crown prince bounced up and down. The ramen noodles had swollen plump.

"... Romance with a son of a bitch is war."

Lady Silver Lily watched the prince calmly.

"Avoid war whenever possible. Peace is the highest value. If your partner is kind? Be kind as well. If your partner is good? You, too, must be good. But if your partner is an unavoidable son of a bitch, remember this."

Lady Silver Lily took out a fan, a different one from before. Astonishingly, this fan, too, bore writing.

+

Today's Motto:

Do Not Be Nice to a Son of a Bitch.

+

Holy shit.

"Repeat after me. Do not be nice."

"D-do not be nice."

"Humans are creatures who want to impress others. Some wish to seem admirable, while others wish to seem knowledgeable. And some wish to seem nice. In my opinion, you belong to the last category. Restrain yourself."

But the duke's daughter showed no restraint herself. None whatsoever.

"Open the door."

The servants opened it. The imperial attendants stood fidgeting in the corridor outside.

"What are you doing?"

Lady Silver Lily spoke as though nothing had happened.

"His Highness is wet. Though the spring weather is mild, I fear the heir to the throne may take ill. Hurry and change his clothes."

"Y-Your Highness!"

The imperial attendants rushed in. Each carried a towel, as though they had known this would happen. One thing I could tell from this was that Lady Silver Lily had used her drenching operation before.

"Listen well. This is the equation of romance."

Lady Silver Lily stepped slowly into the corridor.

"A good-looking person loses to a clever person. A clever person loses to a bastard. Thus, the one who reaches the pinnacle of love is a beauty who is both clever and a bastard. Butler, you must grasp this truth and work diligently to improve yourself."

"Uh..."

When I looked back, the crown prince's bedroom was still in chaos.

"This is rather different from the love I imagined. I thought it would be something..."

"You expected something more romantic?"

"Yes, and..."

"You thought one loved with the heart rather than the head."

"Yes..."

"That is also true."

Lady Silver Lily tossed her fan through the air. The graying servant deftly caught it and tucked it inside his clothes. We talked as we walked to the drawing room.

"But that is precisely what depends upon your luck. Meeting someone who makes your heart race at first sight is by no means easy. The life you have lived determines whom your heart will race for. In truth, falling in love at first sight happens because you can see at a glance what sort of life the other person has lived."

"That's difficult to understand..."

"It is."

Her red eyes narrowed.

"If you find it so difficult, would you like to test it?"

A test.

"What sort of test?"

"I mean, would you like to test whether I can make your heart race?"

"... What must I do for that to happen?"

"Do something that pleases me."

Something that pleased her.

"What would that be?"

"Must I tell you even that? Why not ask me to find your beloved and bring them before you as well? Think it through yourself and arrive at an answer. Butler, you are clever, so you may yet succeed."

"..."

"I shall at least tell you free of charge whether your answer is right or wrong."

We reached the drawing room. Though this was clearly the crown prince's residence, the duke's daughter walked around as comfortably as if she were in her own chambers. She dismissed every servant except me and sat down.

The room was carpeted in red. Eyes the same color as the floor gazed quietly at me.

Hmm.

"Whew..."

I drew a deep breath. It traveled down my gullet and settled in my lungs like a solid kernel. Though it was only a breath, I chose to make it proof of my resolve.

I took the cards out from inside my clothes.

+

[Face Blindness Card]

[What a Coincidence! Overhear a Crucial Secret! Card]

[Oops! I Shouldn't Have Said That! An Unwitting Slip of the Tongue! Card]

+

Before I entered the apocalypse, the Librarian had given me these gifts, saying they would be worth an army. I had originally intended to use them in this stage.

Lady Silver Lily tilted her head.

"...? What are those?"

"Cards the Shut-In Librarian gave me."

And...

"By your definition, my lady, these would also be a sort of [strategy guide]."

RIIIP!

Without hesitation, I tore up the cards. The torn cards scattered like beautifully colored sand, leaving no trace.

[The Shut-In Librarian is surprised by your decision.]

Perhaps those cards really would have been an enormous help in clearing the stage. But showing the person before me my sincerity mattered more.

At least, that was what I believed.

[The Shut-In Librarian realizes your true intent and applauds you.]

A reward was only a reward. A shortcut had meaning only while it remained a shortcut. I had no reason to cling to a reward, nor to set my heart on a path that was no longer a shortcut.

"... Oh?"

Lady Silver Lily rested her chin on her hand and looked at me.

"I see."

Her red eyes glittered as though filled with blood.

"That pleases me."

Lady Silver Lily beckoned lightly.

"Come here."

I approached.

"Your chin is too high. Lower your head."

I lowered it.

Lady Silver Lily whispered in my ear.

"Well done."

She took a glass bottle from inside her clothes. At first, I did not know what it was. But I understood the moment its stopper came out with a pop. A blue fragrance. It was a perfume bottle.

Lady Silver Lily removed her glove and ran her little finger over the mouth of the bottle.

"Let me tell you in advance."

She reached toward the nape of my neck and brushed along it, dabbing a spot behind my ear.

"I will not take responsibility for you."

Fragrance. A powerful floral fragrance that made my head spin.

"..."

The scent of white lilies. In an instant, I was dizzy.

"Does it smell lovely?"

Lady Silver Lily took my right hand. Only a little later did I realize that our fingers were interlaced. The fragrance interfered with my thoughts, making time stutter.

"Yes..."

"Do you like it?"

"... Yes."

Lady Silver Lily's red eyes tilted.

"So do I. It is the fragrance I treasure most. A scent I love."

Her whisper crept up the nape of my neck.

"You willingly confessed your secret to me and destroyed it. That feels rather pleasant. Continue to attend me. Tonight, I too shall reveal a secret to you."

My heart is racing.

[Your immersion in the character deepens.]

This is bad.

[Your current immersion rate is 15%.]

I think I'm going to fall for her.